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OKCupid back in the day gave you most of those knobs, but they got removed eventually. The problem with spreadsheet-style filtering of humans is that in the re
by 8f2ab37a-ed6c 4y ago
OKCupid back in the day gave you most of those knobs, but they got removed eventually.
The problem with spreadsheet-style filtering of humans is that in the real world that's not how you fall in love with someone. Someone can be too short, too chubby, of the "wrong" religion or political affiliation, but you still fall in love with them because of their energy, their warmth, their selflessness, their consistency, their presence and so on.
In theory more knobs = more better, but in practice I suspect it backfires by going against the grain of an authentic human mating experience. I can't imagine anything good coming out of the self-commodification and self-objectification that apps push us towards, even as someone who has more than extensive experience playing that game.
- deleted 4y ago[deleted]
- Teever 4y agoI was under the impression that the reason that the UI of OKCupid has been radically dumbed down is because it was bought by the Match group who wanted the app to look and act more like the rest of their apps.
- erenyeager 4y agoThis is backwards to human history. marriage within the tribe, caste, religion, etc. was preferred. The “knobs” were set by the families and matchmakers. The “love” marriage is more of an anomaly. Rather I’d say many people can make a relationship work and love is effort, not just “click”.
- 8f2ab37a-ed6c 4y agoI actually agree with you if we look at this throughout the entire human history. Mating and romance being a necessary pairing seems like a recent phenomenon, the last 200 years or so?
- closeparen 4y agoIt is possible for humans to survive and even overcome the hardship of effortfully maintaining loveless marriages, just as we can muddle through prison sentences or battles with cancer. People who needed partners in order to meet basic material needs just had to suck it up. In 2023, there is no reason to marry someone without profound and mutual love, and high confidence in the security and durability of that love. The horrifying, life-ruining, soul-eating catastrophe of loveless marriage is what makes it so beautiful and profound when people do chose to get married. That they feel confident enough to take that risk. It is a heartwarming display of optimism and faith.
- 8f2ab37a-ed6c 4y agoYes, however, I suspect that (in the 21st century bourgeois West) we underestimate the ability for two people to learn to love each other profoundly in the context of an arranged marriage where choice is removed from them. I'd love to see statistics showing how longitudinal life satisfaction compares between societies where marriages are arranged and where there is total freedom of marriage partner choice.
- fsckboy 4y agoevery culture through history has told love stories, so it simply couldn't have been that unusual. in a tribe or small town, for example, you've been together since you were kids, so even if your marriage was arranged, the arrangers knew the landscape. It's a lot easier to make an arrangement with the arrangees are not pissing and moaning.
- midoridensha 4y ago>Someone can be too short, too chubby, of the "wrong" religion or political affiliation, but you still fall in love with them because of their energy, their warmth, their selflessness, their consistency, their presence and so on. Right, and then you get married to them, and then after years of constant fighting, you get divorced because you just weren't compatible in the first place, and those fundamental problems never went away despite all the feel-good emotions you had.