4 ms·

> In reality, the pretty girl and the ugly nerd with a good heart rarely end up together. This is complex the ugly nerd often only thinks they have a good hear

> In reality, the pretty girl and the ugly nerd with a good heart rarely end up together. This is complex the ugly nerd often only thinks they have a good heart. It's their self-perception, which, if you listen to women, is not a shared perception.

bmarquez 4y ago
Yeah it's complex, the perceptions regarding who has a "good heart" are also skewed due to the halo effect where attractive people get higher ratings, which ugly nerds lose out on. The opposite gender counterexample is a "jerk with a heart of gold."
t-3 4y ago
I'm sure there's some truth to what you're saying, but it's also a fact that people who break all the rules and are pretty objectively 'bad' are rarely punished in the court of sexual selection. A history of illegal activity, violence, lying, stealing, etc. are rarely going to be a demerit in comparison to being short or having a stutter. The myth that people are really considering non-physical factors into their mating choices is not really helping anyone, and probably actually hurting the dating market by proliferating unrealistic expectations.
- edmundsauto 4y ago
  Isn't that a contradiction? If humans never adversely selected against jerkness, how did we evolve kind people? > The myth that people are really considering non-physical factors into their mating choices Did you mean that people primarily select for physical attractiveness? This reads like you think people never consider non-physical factors, which I think is trivially disprovable. Look, I'm not saying that hot people don't fuck more often. But I am saying that the ugly nerd with a heart of gold is ... also a toxic narrative, and is based on the nerd's belief they have a heart of gold. I frequently read the 2x chromosome subreddit for what interactions with self-professed "nice guys" are like, and I wouldn't for a minute think these dudes are even halfway decent people.
  - t-3 4y ago
    > Isn't that a contradiction? If humans never adversely selected against jerkness, how did we evolve kind people? In my experience, most people aren't all that kind to people they're not related to or well-acquainted with. Those that are tend to be taken advantage of and looked down on. > Did you mean that people primarily select for physical attractiveness? This reads like you think people never consider non-physical factors, which I think is trivially disprovable. People do sometimes consider non-physical factors, but only after they filter based on physical attractiveness, and usually that's only for long-term mate selection rather than casual sex or affairs. Like, I'm a complete POS with a horrible attitude and personality, no money or job, and an extensive criminal record, but I never have difficulty finding sex partners because I'm slightly above average in height and have a symmetrical face. My friend who works hard, is always honest, and will give you the shirt off his back - he can't get the time of day because 5'2".
    - anotheruser13 4y ago
      In my experience (I know, anecdata), there is no IRL "Beauty and the Beast". Disclaimer: I seem to be a loser guy magnet.

bmarquez 4y ago

Yeah it's complex, the perceptions regarding who has a "good heart" are also skewed due to the halo effect where attractive people get higher ratings, which ugly nerds lose out on. The opposite gender counterexample is a "jerk with a heart of gold."

t-3 4y ago

I'm sure there's some truth to what you're saying, but it's also a fact that people who break all the rules and are pretty objectively 'bad' are rarely punished in the court of sexual selection. A history of illegal activity, violence, lying, stealing, etc. are rarely going to be a demerit in comparison to being short or having a stutter. The myth that people are really considering non-physical factors into their mating choices is not really helping anyone, and probably actually hurting the dating market by proliferating unrealistic expectations.

edmundsauto 4y ago
Isn't that a contradiction? If humans never adversely selected against jerkness, how did we evolve kind people? > The myth that people are really considering non-physical factors into their mating choices Did you mean that people primarily select for physical attractiveness? This reads like you think people never consider non-physical factors, which I think is trivially disprovable. Look, I'm not saying that hot people don't fuck more often. But I am saying that the ugly nerd with a heart of gold is ... also a toxic narrative, and is based on the nerd's belief they have a heart of gold. I frequently read the 2x chromosome subreddit for what interactions with self-professed "nice guys" are like, and I wouldn't for a minute think these dudes are even halfway decent people.
- t-3 4y ago
  > Isn't that a contradiction? If humans never adversely selected against jerkness, how did we evolve kind people? In my experience, most people aren't all that kind to people they're not related to or well-acquainted with. Those that are tend to be taken advantage of and looked down on. > Did you mean that people primarily select for physical attractiveness? This reads like you think people never consider non-physical factors, which I think is trivially disprovable. People do sometimes consider non-physical factors, but only after they filter based on physical attractiveness, and usually that's only for long-term mate selection rather than casual sex or affairs. Like, I'm a complete POS with a horrible attitude and personality, no money or job, and an extensive criminal record, but I never have difficulty finding sex partners because I'm slightly above average in height and have a symmetrical face. My friend who works hard, is always honest, and will give you the shirt off his back - he can't get the time of day because 5'2".
  - anotheruser13 4y ago
    In my experience (I know, anecdata), there is no IRL "Beauty and the Beast". Disclaimer: I seem to be a loser guy magnet.