5 ms·

1) I constantly set ambitious goals for myself and fail. That doesn't make me less happy. 2) Happiness isn't my goal in life. It's not a healthy goal either.

Thiez 4y ago
I'll bite: what do you consider healthy goals, and why isn't happiness amongst them? Not sure if you were going to go there, but lets skip the 'on a permanent heroine IV' interpretation of happiness.
- frognumber 4y ago
  I find setting "happiness" as an explicit goal reduces my happiness. A good book -- more mainstream than most of these comments -- is "Man's Search for Meaning" by Frankl. It has been listed as one of the ten most influential books in the US a few decades ago, although has fallen somewhat by the wayside in recent years. I believe the core thesis. It's worked well for me. Leading a meaningful and purposeful life, having good relationships, helping people, doing interesting things, learning, and growing tends to be a more effective path to emotional well-being than searching for happiness. To answer your question directly: My high-level goal is to leave the world a better place than I found it and to have a positive impact on the lives around me.
- throwaway98797 4y ago
  not op but i aim for peace which isn’t joy i find pleasure to be destructive (sugar, sex, booze, drugs) so i’ve been aiming for peace which isn’t happiness but it is pleasant without causing me to crave more of it where joy or dopamine rush always makes me want moar
  - frognumber 4y ago
    My experience is similar but different. Sugar, booze, drugs, video games, social media, television, etc. are destructive. Those are unnatural things which are engineered to give a dopamine rush. I've been healthier in periods of my life when I did. Going "clean" is stressful, but lands me in a healthier place. I can't usually do that because of family and social ties. The odd item on your list is sex. Sex -- in the context of a permanent, stable relationship -- builds social bonds and helps emotionally regulated. Studies show that too.
    - throwaway98797 4y ago
      the context there is important in shorter term relationships it makes me want sugar booze drugs more sometimes it’s like oh this is “pleasure” why not get more i hope that in a committed relationship it would be different
      - frognumber 4y ago
        It's completely different. I'm not going to generalize to anyone else, but for me: - Casual sex is psychologically harmful. - Regular sex with e.g. a spouse is healthy. I find that it (1) Builds a close emotional bond. Conflicts don't seem so important. (2) Emotionally stabilizes me and makes stress go away. As well as a number of additional positive effects. The older I grow, the more I agree with conservative, traditional cultures about sex: One lifetime partner is ideal. A small number or zero is okay. A large number is bad. I'll mention: I'm not drifting conservative overall. Some places, I'm to the left of the left, some to the right of the right, some off-axis, and some at the center.
  - Shaggy2000 4y ago
    I have been cultivating this mindset for 10 years. I'm into month 6 of semen retention now and finally have zero urges or frustration at this stage. I eat one meal of meat, eggs, butter a day. Have finally been able to isolate and clearly see the effect listening to music has on my dopamine and happiness (its very bad for it). All of my belongings fit into one suitcase and a backpack. I live in an apartment by the beach. My hobbies are simply short walks in the morning, emotional movies in the evening, programming and reading in quietness during the day alone. Eliminated playing videogames for the most part, Hobbies are reverse engineering and decompiliation modding of childhood N64 games, coding my rts game engine from scratch, coding my programmable bot platform im creating. Reading. Finally i reached that peace you know about. Would love to hear a few things about your routine and how you spend your time or be e-friends e___cr___@gmail.com replace the first ___ with nda and the second ___ with aig :)
    - jwmoz 4y ago
      This sounds really depressing, you might be taking things a little too seriously.
  - CrazyPyroLinux 4y ago
    I'm reminded of The Oatmeal comic https://theoatmeal.com/comics/unhappy https://theoatmeal.com/comics/unhappy Also, stoicism.

Thiez 4y ago

I'll bite: what do you consider healthy goals, and why isn't happiness amongst them? Not sure if you were going to go there, but lets skip the 'on a permanent heroine IV' interpretation of happiness.

frognumber 4y ago
I find setting "happiness" as an explicit goal reduces my happiness. A good book -- more mainstream than most of these comments -- is "Man's Search for Meaning" by Frankl. It has been listed as one of the ten most influential books in the US a few decades ago, although has fallen somewhat by the wayside in recent years. I believe the core thesis. It's worked well for me. Leading a meaningful and purposeful life, having good relationships, helping people, doing interesting things, learning, and growing tends to be a more effective path to emotional well-being than searching for happiness. To answer your question directly: My high-level goal is to leave the world a better place than I found it and to have a positive impact on the lives around me.
throwaway98797 4y ago
not op but i aim for peace which isn’t joy i find pleasure to be destructive (sugar, sex, booze, drugs) so i’ve been aiming for peace which isn’t happiness but it is pleasant without causing me to crave more of it where joy or dopamine rush always makes me want moar
- frognumber 4y ago
  My experience is similar but different. Sugar, booze, drugs, video games, social media, television, etc. are destructive. Those are unnatural things which are engineered to give a dopamine rush. I've been healthier in periods of my life when I did. Going "clean" is stressful, but lands me in a healthier place. I can't usually do that because of family and social ties. The odd item on your list is sex. Sex -- in the context of a permanent, stable relationship -- builds social bonds and helps emotionally regulated. Studies show that too.
  - throwaway98797 4y ago
    the context there is important in shorter term relationships it makes me want sugar booze drugs more sometimes it’s like oh this is “pleasure” why not get more i hope that in a committed relationship it would be different
    - frognumber 4y ago
      It's completely different. I'm not going to generalize to anyone else, but for me: - Casual sex is psychologically harmful. - Regular sex with e.g. a spouse is healthy. I find that it (1) Builds a close emotional bond. Conflicts don't seem so important. (2) Emotionally stabilizes me and makes stress go away. As well as a number of additional positive effects. The older I grow, the more I agree with conservative, traditional cultures about sex: One lifetime partner is ideal. A small number or zero is okay. A large number is bad. I'll mention: I'm not drifting conservative overall. Some places, I'm to the left of the left, some to the right of the right, some off-axis, and some at the center.
- Shaggy2000 4y ago
  I have been cultivating this mindset for 10 years. I'm into month 6 of semen retention now and finally have zero urges or frustration at this stage. I eat one meal of meat, eggs, butter a day. Have finally been able to isolate and clearly see the effect listening to music has on my dopamine and happiness (its very bad for it). All of my belongings fit into one suitcase and a backpack. I live in an apartment by the beach. My hobbies are simply short walks in the morning, emotional movies in the evening, programming and reading in quietness during the day alone. Eliminated playing videogames for the most part, Hobbies are reverse engineering and decompiliation modding of childhood N64 games, coding my rts game engine from scratch, coding my programmable bot platform im creating. Reading. Finally i reached that peace you know about. Would love to hear a few things about your routine and how you spend your time or be e-friends e___cr___@gmail.com replace the first ___ with nda and the second ___ with aig :)
  - jwmoz 4y ago
    This sounds really depressing, you might be taking things a little too seriously.
- CrazyPyroLinux 4y ago
  I'm reminded of The Oatmeal comic https://theoatmeal.com/comics/unhappy https://theoatmeal.com/comics/unhappy Also, stoicism.