I think the key thing to question in your response is "sounds more like evidience ..." . How we intend to convey something is a byproduct of who we are at a par

I think the key thing to question in your response is "sounds more like evidience ..." . How we intend to convey something is a byproduct of who we are at a particular moment in time, as is someone interpreting something is a byproduct of who they are at a particular moment in time. If you were to include gender to be one of the factors in the byproduct of who someone is at a particular moment in time, I would think my considered responses is more likely helpful then anything else unless their is something I'm not considering, because (1) you are acknowledging their hurt, and (2) you are conveying that was not your intentions. You can classify this scenario as a misunderstanding. People in general won't cohesively work well together until they recognize and change the way they handle these misunderstanding.