4 ms·
First off, you should be careful when using apologic statements at work. They can be seem as an admission of guilt by the claimant and/or employeer and can lead
by irsagent 4y ago
First off, you should be careful when using apologic statements at work. They can be seem as an admission of guilt by the claimant and/or employeer and can lead to further action. Saying things as such as:
(1) "I understand that you feel that way, but my intention behind that statement was ... ."
(2) "It's unfortunate that you feel that way, but my intentions were ... ."
(3) "I can see that my actions have affected you, by my intentions were ... ."
(4) "I didn't intend to upset you, my intentions were ... ."
would be better for issues in the future.
In regards to how she responded. You can't control how people interpret and handle situations. You can only change with how you deal with it in the future, knowing that she has responded this way should let you know that (
I would from now on keep all conversations in written and storable form via email, letter, or chat, and if you need to talk to her, make sure you plan what you are going to say and make sure you have another colleague in the room as a referense to the conversation.
If you feel you want to remedy to the situation, I would set up a meeting with HR and try and come to a solution.
- notahacker 4y agoFrankly those "I understand that you feel that way but my intention was" statements sound far more like evidence that someone is intentionally patronising and denigrating someone than "sorry, I didn't mean..." That carries all the problems of acknowledging you're aware of the effects of things you're saying (just as bad from an HR point of view), but simply refusing to care (worse), and it's hard to think of any response to accusations of "mansplaining" that sounds more like "mansplaining" than unapologetically stating it's unfortunate a lady is incorrect to object to your statement...
- irsagent 4y agoI think the key thing to question in your response is "sounds more like evidience ..." . How we intend to convey something is a byproduct of who we are at a particular moment in time, as is someone interpreting something is a byproduct of who they are at a particular moment in time. If you were to include gender to be one of the factors in the byproduct of who someone is at a particular moment in time, I would think my considered responses is more likely helpful then anything else unless their is something I'm not considering, because (1) you are acknowledging their hurt, and (2) you are conveying that was not your intentions. You can classify this scenario as a misunderstanding. People in general won't cohesively work well together until they recognize and change the way they handle these misunderstanding.