To someone who's accepted that gangs and violent people in them are a normal part of life, sure, that makes sense. But what's the internal monologue of someone

To someone who's accepted that gangs and violent people in them are a normal part of life, sure, that makes sense. But what's the internal monologue of someone who styles themselves a deputy and an Executioner really like? Do they genuinely believe themselves to be doing smart or good things? Do they hate themselves, do they hate the flawed world they're in? Is this an unfortunate but temporary state of affairs, ends justifying the means until they can fully replace the flawed system? Are they stuck in their position, wishing they had said no when/if they had the chance, but now unsure how to safely exit? Could you or I, with a few different life choices, have been not a software dev but a law enforcement deputy who's also a member of a violent, antisocial gang? I'd like to think I could not, but I have no clue what actually goes on inside the mind of someone in that situation.