Thank you for the thoughtful response and empathy! The second paragraph pretty much hits the nail. I've been analysing, dissecting, journalling my upbringing f

Thank you for the thoughtful response and empathy! The second paragraph pretty much hits the nail. I've been analysing, dissecting, journalling my upbringing for the past 10 years and have made substantial progress I would say. But mostly on a cognitive level and on a level of being able to understand that it was not normal/healthy. I'm not so sure about the level of emotions / truly internalising. I realised over the past year that I cannot fully heal alone, so I finally looked out for therapists (after pushing it away for months). Many books/articles/videos/podcasts about psychology, narcissistic parents, CPTSD as well as discussing everything with my siblings (we are 4) have helped validate my/our feelings and enabled me/us to understand. I've already read several books other commenters suggested. On a deeper level I still feel a bit broken, low self-esteem, passive / somewhat avoidant, daydreaming about being a hermit in a forest, full of self doubts, unsure who I am, etc. very often. I hope therapy will lead to some breakthroughs on that level and, yeah, I will make sure I'll try to find a good fit.