I’m not saying it’s exactly victim blaming, but it’s pretty close: you are attributing the cause of somebody’s misery to them, instead of the person that abused

I’m not saying it’s exactly victim blaming, but it’s pretty close: you are attributing the cause of somebody’s misery to them, instead of the person that abused them. Try the same line of reasoning with physical abuse and you will hopefully feel less certain. E.g. why does one person fall, hit their head badly and become paralyzed, while another could just shake off the same punch? And if you met somebody who had been beaten badly by a parent and become paralyzed for life would you give them a pep talk about how it’s a choice they’ve made? Probably not (I hope).