I was in a situation many years back that was similar in feeling but varied in circumstance. The sense of loss, worthlessness, lack of control, lack of agency,

I was in a situation many years back that was similar in feeling but varied in circumstance. The sense of loss, worthlessness, lack of control, lack of agency, stress and isolation is an incredibly potent mix. I'm sorry you're dealing with all of them at once. It is overwhelming. My own emotional lows are cyclical and I've had to bounce back several times. At different stages in life my approach to doing so has varied wildly. The approach you need will depend on your history and what you believe about yourself. Right now it's the narrative about yourself that your mind has constructed which you need to address. Do you believe that you are weak and passive? That life is happening to you, rather than you manifesting it? Then prove to yourself that you are bold, capable and effective. Maybe you aren't yet and need to become so. Don't listen to people telling you that you are already what you feel is lacking. They are comfort words which deny that growth is possible. Prove it to yourself and you will know it forever after. Choose something that scares you immensely and do it. For me it was heights, mortality and risk: so I began skydiving. For you perhaps rock climbing is more fitting. If you've hit rock bottom, learn to climb the rocks. It will require patience, fortitude, mindfulness, awareness of your body and movement, coping with fear, and deliberate action. You won't feel passionate about this and may avoid it. You may not even like it. Forget what you like and earn it. Passion will develop alongside progress, and progress will be slow. From your point of view the ascent will look like your PhD. You'll end up taking paths you didn't intend, as if the rock is guiding you. Are you being passive? Will you second guess yourself? Your choice is to use your position to advance yourself or give up. Look back at your progress and see how far you've come. You'll have a new perspective on what felt boring and gradual up-close. Which is more terrifying: the slow climb ahead or the descent? If you give up, will you do it slowly with shame or allow yourself to fall? What does rock bottom look like when you see how far beneath you it truly is? As your passion and competence grows you may have daydreams of setting aside your PhD. You'll want to take a sabbatical to climb. I encourage you to do this if it feels right and necessary. I encourage not to if it feels like an excuse, and to focus on the metaphor. You will develop the confidence and fortitude you currently lack. You will regain your lust for life when it hangs in the balance. You will make friends you never knew you wanted. You will forever know what you are capable of.