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Being a victim is a mindset, sure you can come from a shitty place but that doesn't determine where you go next. Thinking you are a victim is also highly addic

by cynusx 4y ago

Being a victim is a mindset, sure you can come from a shitty place but that doesn't determine where you go next. Thinking you are a victim is also highly addictive because it shifts responsibilities from you to something that is not-you (parents, boss, partner, society, your gender, racists, ...) While not all circumstances are your choice, at a fundamental level remaining a victim is a choice. There's always somebody worse off than you.

bjornsing 4y ago
> at a fundamental level remaining a victim is a choice It would be nice if this was true. But sadly it’s simply not. Everybody understands that there is physical abuse that cannot be overcome. Unfortunately there is also psychological abuse that cannot be overcome. So I agree we should all strive to avoid remaining victims, but I don’t think it’s healthy or even correct to say that those that do have chosen to be victims. See also: victim blaming.
- cynusx 4y ago
  Victim blaming is completely different, that's saying that you deserved to be abused. Nobody deserves to be abused. There is a longitudinal study on PTSD cases that investigated why only 35% of people suffer PTSD while some of their colleagues go to similar events and while going through trauma processing, bounce back after some time. The main finding was that many of them found helpful frames of references to manage their feelings around trauma (often along the lines of... the guy next to me was worse off, at least I am alive) and that allowed them to go into post-trauma growth. Assigning present-day problems to old events is just a very common way for people to take on a victim mentality and avoid dealing with what is in front of them.
  - bjornsing 4y ago
    I’m not saying it’s exactly victim blaming, but it’s pretty close: you are attributing the cause of somebody’s misery to them, instead of the person that abused them. Try the same line of reasoning with physical abuse and you will hopefully feel less certain. E.g. why does one person fall, hit their head badly and become paralyzed, while another could just shake off the same punch? And if you met somebody who had been beaten badly by a parent and become paralyzed for life would you give them a pep talk about how it’s a choice they’ve made? Probably not (I hope).
    - cynusx 4y ago
      The choice is obviously not on being abused. The choice is on moving past it and taking a positive outlook going forward rather than keep looking backward at the injustice that happened to you.
      - bjornsing 4y ago
        Obviously. And what I’m saying is (obviously) that that is not always a choice. It would be nice if it was, but the human mind simply does not work that way.

by cynusx 4y ago

bjornsing 4y ago

> at a fundamental level remaining a victim is a choice It would be nice if this was true. But sadly it’s simply not. Everybody understands that there is physical abuse that cannot be overcome. Unfortunately there is also psychological abuse that cannot be overcome. So I agree we should all strive to avoid remaining victims, but I don’t think it’s healthy or even correct to say that those that do have chosen to be victims. See also: victim blaming.

cynusx 4y ago
Victim blaming is completely different, that's saying that you deserved to be abused. Nobody deserves to be abused. There is a longitudinal study on PTSD cases that investigated why only 35% of people suffer PTSD while some of their colleagues go to similar events and while going through trauma processing, bounce back after some time. The main finding was that many of them found helpful frames of references to manage their feelings around trauma (often along the lines of... the guy next to me was worse off, at least I am alive) and that allowed them to go into post-trauma growth. Assigning present-day problems to old events is just a very common way for people to take on a victim mentality and avoid dealing with what is in front of them.
- bjornsing 4y ago
  I’m not saying it’s exactly victim blaming, but it’s pretty close: you are attributing the cause of somebody’s misery to them, instead of the person that abused them. Try the same line of reasoning with physical abuse and you will hopefully feel less certain. E.g. why does one person fall, hit their head badly and become paralyzed, while another could just shake off the same punch? And if you met somebody who had been beaten badly by a parent and become paralyzed for life would you give them a pep talk about how it’s a choice they’ve made? Probably not (I hope).
  - cynusx 4y ago
    The choice is obviously not on being abused. The choice is on moving past it and taking a positive outlook going forward rather than keep looking backward at the injustice that happened to you.
    - bjornsing 4y ago
      Obviously. And what I’m saying is (obviously) that that is not always a choice. It would be nice if it was, but the human mind simply does not work that way.