Sounds like youve described my life as well so as much of a cold comfort it is; you arent alone in this experience. Some suggestions. 1. Theres usually a big

Sounds like youve described my life as well so as much of a cold comfort it is; you arent alone in this experience. Some suggestions. 1. Theres usually a big gap between understanding and belief. You can “know” something is true but not have it feel true, or let that knowledge have any positive affect on your outlook or physiology. This simply takes time. Be patient and kind with yourself. 2. Self help books are good. Therapy is better. But you’ll also find there are tons of different types of therapy. What works for you will take time to figure out and will also depend on your background, level of resistence, your comfort with vulnerability, the vocabulary you have to describe your experience, etc. Again, stick with it. Dont overdo it. Rememeber that 9 women can’t have a baby in a month. 3. Relationships and endings can be especially difficult for people who were potentially raised by narcissists or any cluster b personality style. Youve most likely learned behaviour that worked for you in childhood but wont help you now that youre an adult. This is now being understood as maladaptive patters from CPTSD. It’s worth digging into. Id recommend “the body keeps the score” and “complex ptsd: from surviving to thriving”. 4. Your body and your mind operate more like one unit than we all care to admit. Its important to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. Not a walk. More like sweating. Nobody ever wants to do this. I still never want to do it. Id suggest doing everything possible to lower the activation cost of getting some exercise. 5. This tension requires an outlet. You probably spend a lot of time in front of a computer reading, writing, etc. I find writing with a pen and paper helpful. Theres absolutely no need to ever read what you wrote ever again. The mind is wild but it does seem to offer some relief. Lastly - and I apologize for being trite - when youre going through hell, keep going.