The passions will come back in different shapes and forms, it feels like a loss not to have them but they’ll resurface when there isn’t a ton of pressure on you

The passions will come back in different shapes and forms, it feels like a loss not to have them but they’ll resurface when there isn’t a ton of pressure on your shoulders. Think they’ll come back after you finish your PHd or after you quit it if you decide to do so. As far as the lost relationship goes, maybe it’s for the better now than later. Try to improve yourself first before you enter another one. Improving yourself is most work: physically through phisical exercise and exercising your will. These will carry over some energy into improving yourself in other areas which you should not ignore. Then let life take its course. I’ve hit rock bottom at some point in my 30s and survived. Now looking back at my old self and the relationship I was in 15 years ago and can’t stop laughing, with hindsight Im glad things turned out as they did. But at the same time I feel for you because I remember the dark pit I was in. If you can cry go for it, don’t be ashamed to be vulnerable, it really helps.