It's a tough demon. I've had a somewhat similar experience. In my late thirties, I started drinking wine. A bottle a day on each of my days off. I could handle

It's a tough demon. I've had a somewhat similar experience. In my late thirties, I started drinking wine. A bottle a day on each of my days off. I could handle that, easily. I never drank (and to this day maintain a personal policy) during the work week. With stress and anxiety I don't want to even tempt myself going down that road. About 2 years ago in my early 40's, I discovered how to enjoy hard liquor. A year ago whiskey. I actually enjoy the taste "neat", provided I have a quality liquor. Be it rum, tequila or whiskey. I drink alone, so I could drink all I wanted to, and not worry about anyone else. The hard liquor, age and anxiety did me in. I never got wasted, never hung over fortunately, but enough that the next morning I realized I had blackout periods. I would eat something I'd prepared or watched a show I wanted to watch, but remember none of it. I struggled with it for a few months. I hated that feeling. Every week I hated myself that next morning. It fed into my anxiety over time, having lost some. I can't imagine how people can do it regularly. I haven't cut out drinking, but fortunately I have learned the new limits. I can enjoy drinking still, and when I start to feel off, where I used to say "one more is ok, you'll be fine," I have managed to convince myself to stop at that point. Things are so much better now that I've taught myself to enjoy and when to stop. I can only see cutting it out completely as when dieting cutting out certain foods - it leads to temptation and misery.