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Buying him an iphone is probably the worst thing you could do, you'd be teaching him the answer to bullying is to change and conform yourself. What will happen

Buying him an iphone is probably the worst thing you could do, you'd be teaching him the answer to bullying is to change and conform yourself. What will happen if others later bully him for "not drinking enough" or not engaging in other foolish behavior?

jgwil2 4y ago
This is my instinct as well. I'm really surprised how many people here seem to think that just buying the status symbol a) will solve the problem and b) imparts the right lesson.
- km3r 4y ago
  Seems like the kid never wanted an android phone. Why buy him one when there are plenty of iPhones at S20 prices? Don't force your kid to go to church, and don't make them choose your ideological side on Android vs iPhone. And I say this as someone who really doesn't like Apple and has only had Android phones.
- luckylion 4y ago
  Because it often solves the problem. When someone is seen as "the other" because of some criteria, and you change those criteria, they are no longer "the other". You can also buy them a pump gun and teach them how to deal with bullies, but that's being frowned upon.
thiht 4y ago
> the answer to bullying is to change and conform yourself Well, it is an answer. An easy and effective one in this precise situation. We’re not talking about changing the whole kid’s personality here. He probably didn’t make the choice of an Android phone himself.
- jsnk 4y ago
  This is just the start. It'll make a lasting impact on the impressionable mind that the right thing is to fit it, conform, and subjugate oneself to bullies rather than stand up for oneself.
- Ekaros 4y ago
  It simply does not work. Bullies are evil monsters without any redeeming qualities. They do not stop unless you mold yourself to perfectly like them and participate in their evil crimes.
yongjik 4y ago
You can't choose to die on every hill you meet in your life: sometimes you have to compromise. Having two teenager kids, my experience is that generally "I'm your parent and I know what's good for you" goes about as well as tying dumbbells at ankles and jumping into a lake. (Of course every kid is different and your story would be also different.) Also, I'm not quite sure how much of it is actual bullying vs. the kid feeling left out in a friend group because everyone else is sharing iPhone only stuff (games, etc).
HybridCurve 4y ago
>Buying him an iphone is probably the worst thing you could do I'd like to point out this is correct, but also for another reason. The child is being bullied, period. What they choose to ostracize him for is irrelevant. You cannot simply relocate the child in the social hierarchy by removing that single point of contention, because they will find another. After all, if he was more well liked, would they still bully him for having a different phone?
- jollyllama 4y ago
  Yes, exactly. No offense, but the replies from other folks read like replies from people who don't have any real experience with bullies.
ComposedPattern 4y ago
Additionally, if OP's son gets an iPhone, then some other kid in his class will go from being one of two kids without an iPhone to being the only one. The more people give in to the social pressure, the stronger the pressure becomes.

jgwil2 4y ago

This is my instinct as well. I'm really surprised how many people here seem to think that just buying the status symbol a) will solve the problem and b) imparts the right lesson.

km3r 4y ago
Seems like the kid never wanted an android phone. Why buy him one when there are plenty of iPhones at S20 prices? Don't force your kid to go to church, and don't make them choose your ideological side on Android vs iPhone. And I say this as someone who really doesn't like Apple and has only had Android phones.
luckylion 4y ago
Because it often solves the problem. When someone is seen as "the other" because of some criteria, and you change those criteria, they are no longer "the other". You can also buy them a pump gun and teach them how to deal with bullies, but that's being frowned upon.

thiht 4y ago

> the answer to bullying is to change and conform yourself Well, it is an answer. An easy and effective one in this precise situation. We’re not talking about changing the whole kid’s personality here. He probably didn’t make the choice of an Android phone himself.

jsnk 4y ago
This is just the start. It'll make a lasting impact on the impressionable mind that the right thing is to fit it, conform, and subjugate oneself to bullies rather than stand up for oneself.
Ekaros 4y ago
It simply does not work. Bullies are evil monsters without any redeeming qualities. They do not stop unless you mold yourself to perfectly like them and participate in their evil crimes.

yongjik 4y ago

You can't choose to die on every hill you meet in your life: sometimes you have to compromise. Having two teenager kids, my experience is that generally "I'm your parent and I know what's good for you" goes about as well as tying dumbbells at ankles and jumping into a lake. (Of course every kid is different and your story would be also different.) Also, I'm not quite sure how much of it is actual bullying vs. the kid feeling left out in a friend group because everyone else is sharing iPhone only stuff (games, etc).

HybridCurve 4y ago

>Buying him an iphone is probably the worst thing you could do I'd like to point out this is correct, but also for another reason. The child is being bullied, period. What they choose to ostracize him for is irrelevant. You cannot simply relocate the child in the social hierarchy by removing that single point of contention, because they will find another. After all, if he was more well liked, would they still bully him for having a different phone?

jollyllama 4y ago
Yes, exactly. No offense, but the replies from other folks read like replies from people who don't have any real experience with bullies.

ComposedPattern 4y ago

Additionally, if OP's son gets an iPhone, then some other kid in his class will go from being one of two kids without an iPhone to being the only one. The more people give in to the social pressure, the stronger the pressure becomes.