4 ms·

whew, I just spent the last hour of my life reading your post history. I'm 28, I make 170k/yr, and I drive a 2008 Nissan. I'm a 5'6" straight male, 150lbs, not

whew, I just spent the last hour of my life reading your post history. I'm 28, I make 170k/yr, and I drive a 2008 Nissan. I'm a 5'6" straight male, 150lbs, not unattractive, and I haven't had sex in five years. Frankly, I've never had a relationship longer than a couple months in my life. In almost every quantifiable aspect, you've got me beat - but I don't envy you at all. You're very intelligent and driven. There is this common thread in all your posts - you want what you can't have. You make one-percenter money, but you envy those with generational wealth. You can't find your ideal woman and it's killing you. You have a fairly clear-eyed view of dating dynamics among straight yuppies in the US that animates you to post obsessively about it in relevant threads. There's an anger at Silicon Valley, at women, at capitalism and humanity - alongside a resignation that this is the way things are. You seem pretty depressed. I don't have most of what you do, but I'm pretty happy about my lot. I have autonomy at work, I like spending time with my friends, and my family's alright too. You said in one of your comments that most men would rather kill themselves than die alone - that really struck me. I don't feel that way, and I hope that if you do, you can find a path toward not feeling that way one day. Anyway, I'm sorry for the surprise armchair psych. I guess the reason I'm writing this is because I consider myself an unusually driven and self-critical person. I push myself pretty hard and I get upset when I don't meet my own unrealistic standards. I'm usually in the 90th percentile and not the 99th, and that is a constant source of frustration. I've been through years of therapy to learn to control this part of my personality, but I worry about losing my edge. I've also made certain career choices, like picking a smaller start-up with high autonomy and WLB over a more lucrative FAANG role, and I often worry I fucked that up and wasted two years. Reading your posts made me realize that I could be in that 99th percentile, earn 4x what I am making now, and still be chasing that next thing. I hope this doesn't come off as patronizing, and that the perspective is at least interesting.

logicchains 4y ago
>I'm 28, I make 170k/yr, and I drive a 2008 Nissan. I'm a 5'6" straight male, 150lbs, not unattractive, and I haven't had sex in five years. Frankly, I've never had a relationship longer than a couple months in my life Assuming you're not religious (as most people on this site aren't), why not just pay for it? A higher class escort is no more likely to have STDs than a promiscuous bar hookup, and even then the chance of catching something is low; for HIV, for instance, on average someone'd need to have unprotected sex with a HIV positive person over a hundred times to catch it.
- bradlys 4y ago
  I don’t get this idea. When someone says they haven’t had sex - it usually isn’t indicating they only want unattached sex. It usually is shorthand for saying, “I haven’t had sex and I’d like to experience that with someone I have an emotional bond with. I’d also like to be loved and cared for and desired by someone that I feel similar to.” We just say, “I haven’t had sex” because it’s shorthand and isn’t as emotionally taxing to the audience.
bradlys 4y ago
> You're very intelligent and driven. There is this common thread in all your posts - you want what you can't have. Well, to some extent you’re right. There are things I want that I can’t have. I’d love for capitalism to die, mixed use development to prosper, and gender roles to become like dinosaurs but those are far reaching things that I don’t expect to change. But for my daily life - I do focus a lot on what is achievable, just insanely hard. Like you said, I’m in the 99th percentile and I’m still focused on being even higher. To some, being where I am seems like success regardless of where you started (and it is to some extent) but I want to go further. It’s not like I couldn’t ever be satiated, it’s just that I wish to do more and be more because I know I’m capable of it. People are different. Just because I’m miserable doesn’t mean I chose the wrong path. It’s just that some paths aren’t for others. In the same way that bdsm might not be for you - choosing an extremely punishing and grueling lifestyle to climb your way to the top might not be your cup of tea either. To me, at this moment, success is worth more than happiness. Happiness is quite abstract anyway and goals can be quite concrete. I tend to feel happiest when I feel like I’m getting what I want - and that doesn’t have to mean that I have it already… it just means it’s clear I’m on the right path.

logicchains 4y ago

>I'm 28, I make 170k/yr, and I drive a 2008 Nissan. I'm a 5'6" straight male, 150lbs, not unattractive, and I haven't had sex in five years. Frankly, I've never had a relationship longer than a couple months in my life Assuming you're not religious (as most people on this site aren't), why not just pay for it? A higher class escort is no more likely to have STDs than a promiscuous bar hookup, and even then the chance of catching something is low; for HIV, for instance, on average someone'd need to have unprotected sex with a HIV positive person over a hundred times to catch it.

bradlys 4y ago
I don’t get this idea. When someone says they haven’t had sex - it usually isn’t indicating they only want unattached sex. It usually is shorthand for saying, “I haven’t had sex and I’d like to experience that with someone I have an emotional bond with. I’d also like to be loved and cared for and desired by someone that I feel similar to.” We just say, “I haven’t had sex” because it’s shorthand and isn’t as emotionally taxing to the audience.

bradlys 4y ago

> You're very intelligent and driven. There is this common thread in all your posts - you want what you can't have. Well, to some extent you’re right. There are things I want that I can’t have. I’d love for capitalism to die, mixed use development to prosper, and gender roles to become like dinosaurs but those are far reaching things that I don’t expect to change. But for my daily life - I do focus a lot on what is achievable, just insanely hard. Like you said, I’m in the 99th percentile and I’m still focused on being even higher. To some, being where I am seems like success regardless of where you started (and it is to some extent) but I want to go further. It’s not like I couldn’t ever be satiated, it’s just that I wish to do more and be more because I know I’m capable of it. People are different. Just because I’m miserable doesn’t mean I chose the wrong path. It’s just that some paths aren’t for others. In the same way that bdsm might not be for you - choosing an extremely punishing and grueling lifestyle to climb your way to the top might not be your cup of tea either. To me, at this moment, success is worth more than happiness. Happiness is quite abstract anyway and goals can be quite concrete. I tend to feel happiest when I feel like I’m getting what I want - and that doesn’t have to mean that I have it already… it just means it’s clear I’m on the right path.