3 ms·

Really young kids are so easy, I can understand the nostalgia. The worst they do is cry? And you have to do diapers? These are trivial things. Tweens, on th

Really young kids are so easy, I can understand the nostalgia. The worst they do is cry? And you have to do diapers? These are trivial things. Tweens, on the other hand... ugh, lots of fun in different ways, but lots more worry & stress too. And if I'm to believe my own mother, this does not recede when they leave home as adults, it actually gets worse.

TeMPOraL 4y ago
This really seems to be the pattern no one talks about: no matter the age bracket, when your kids get to the next one, it gets worse.
- atq2119 4y ago
  Let me add a data point in the other direction. The first ~six months of my kid's life was by far the worst time for me. Yes, there were other challenges as he got older. But the sleep deprivation of that first period was awful in a way that is difficult to put into words.
  - TeMPOraL 4y ago
    I guess we were lucky then. The first ~6 months meant interrupted sleep, but it was somehow easier to bear than e.g. the 2-3yo period, when our older daughter refused to go to sleep before 23:00 - 00:00, and would wake up on her own around 06:00 anyway. But whichever way it turns for someone, what you note is true: sleep deprivation is awful, and it's hard to describe just how much and how.
  - igortg 4y ago
    Fully agree. Sleep deprivation and the part where they get sick and aren't able to say a thing about the symptoms. Is also a period that is not very rewarding (they mostly sleep, eat and poop... although the small interactions are awesome).
  - boringg 4y ago
    For the first kid its the two punch combo: lack of sleep and a completely new lifestyle that you are adapting too. Most people forget that there is a massive lifestyle change that can be hard depending on the lifestage you are at before the adjustment.
  - mrguyorama 4y ago
    Another data point: I was the third child, and my mother has described my childhood as effortless. I was non-argumentative, aware, quiet, timid, patient, easy to entertain, and basically could take care of myself. Those kind of kids exist. It's a little bit of luck, some genetics, some good parenting, and some trust. My two nephews are also pretty easy kids.
- watwut 4y ago
  This is not true, not with my kids. It gets easier and easier. It is easier and easier to communicate to then what I want and why. And they are responding in more meaningful even ways if they don't want to comply.
  - TeMPOraL 4y ago
    Fair enough. That aspect is definitely good; things get much easier once your kid starts to communicate their needs - with grunts, sounds, then pointing, then words, then sentences. But the complexity of their emotional life increases too. There was an eerily accurate joke I read long time ago, that infants can be effectively modeled with a Finite State Machine. That time was, for me, the easy mode. Now my 1.5yo is Turing-complete and subject to halting problem (in more than one meaning of the term), and the almost 4yo is pretty much uncomputable by this point :).
    - watwut 4y ago
      > with grunts, sounds, then pointing, then words, then sentences Yes, but I also meant that 12 years old is easier 10 years old is easier then 8 years old who is easier then 6 years old. You have to micromanage less and less. You can completely forgot or just once in a while check whole areas of care - like hygiene. 12 years old takes showers without prompt and plans for them. The homework is mostly autonomous too. Being on time for extracurricular activities mostly just happens without me actively doing anything. > But the complexity of their emotional life increases too. Yes, but that does not make it harder. It makes it closer to what adults do, closer to what I know. Once in a while there is complex problem and once in a while they change and you suddenly have to to adjust to new behavior. Talking about emotional problems is easier with 12 years old then with 3 years old, because I do not have to simplify that much. The debate is getting closer to how I normally talk and think. With 3-7 years old, I always had to think in advance about how to simplify my thinking.

TeMPOraL 4y ago

This really seems to be the pattern no one talks about: no matter the age bracket, when your kids get to the next one, it gets worse.

atq2119 4y ago
Let me add a data point in the other direction. The first ~six months of my kid's life was by far the worst time for me. Yes, there were other challenges as he got older. But the sleep deprivation of that first period was awful in a way that is difficult to put into words.
- TeMPOraL 4y ago
  I guess we were lucky then. The first ~6 months meant interrupted sleep, but it was somehow easier to bear than e.g. the 2-3yo period, when our older daughter refused to go to sleep before 23:00 - 00:00, and would wake up on her own around 06:00 anyway. But whichever way it turns for someone, what you note is true: sleep deprivation is awful, and it's hard to describe just how much and how.
- igortg 4y ago
  Fully agree. Sleep deprivation and the part where they get sick and aren't able to say a thing about the symptoms. Is also a period that is not very rewarding (they mostly sleep, eat and poop... although the small interactions are awesome).
- boringg 4y ago
  For the first kid its the two punch combo: lack of sleep and a completely new lifestyle that you are adapting too. Most people forget that there is a massive lifestyle change that can be hard depending on the lifestage you are at before the adjustment.
- mrguyorama 4y ago
  Another data point: I was the third child, and my mother has described my childhood as effortless. I was non-argumentative, aware, quiet, timid, patient, easy to entertain, and basically could take care of myself. Those kind of kids exist. It's a little bit of luck, some genetics, some good parenting, and some trust. My two nephews are also pretty easy kids.
watwut 4y ago
This is not true, not with my kids. It gets easier and easier. It is easier and easier to communicate to then what I want and why. And they are responding in more meaningful even ways if they don't want to comply.
- TeMPOraL 4y ago
  Fair enough. That aspect is definitely good; things get much easier once your kid starts to communicate their needs - with grunts, sounds, then pointing, then words, then sentences. But the complexity of their emotional life increases too. There was an eerily accurate joke I read long time ago, that infants can be effectively modeled with a Finite State Machine. That time was, for me, the easy mode. Now my 1.5yo is Turing-complete and subject to halting problem (in more than one meaning of the term), and the almost 4yo is pretty much uncomputable by this point :).
  - watwut 4y ago
    > with grunts, sounds, then pointing, then words, then sentences Yes, but I also meant that 12 years old is easier 10 years old is easier then 8 years old who is easier then 6 years old. You have to micromanage less and less. You can completely forgot or just once in a while check whole areas of care - like hygiene. 12 years old takes showers without prompt and plans for them. The homework is mostly autonomous too. Being on time for extracurricular activities mostly just happens without me actively doing anything. > But the complexity of their emotional life increases too. Yes, but that does not make it harder. It makes it closer to what adults do, closer to what I know. Once in a while there is complex problem and once in a while they change and you suddenly have to to adjust to new behavior. Talking about emotional problems is easier with 12 years old then with 3 years old, because I do not have to simplify that much. The debate is getting closer to how I normally talk and think. With 3-7 years old, I always had to think in advance about how to simplify my thinking.