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> Understanding that will help you plan your dates accordingly so that she can feel a lot more comfortable, and you'll both have a much better time. All the po

by LanceH 4y ago

> Understanding that will help you plan your dates accordingly so that she can feel a lot more comfortable, and you'll both have a much better time. All the points were valid, but when people talk about the invisibility of male victims...this is it.

saagarjha 4y ago
This advice is literally exactly what every woman is told. It has nothing to do with male victims.
- chitowneats 4y ago
  The article is about overwhelmingly male victims. It's not always about you!
  - ZGDUwpqEWpUZ 4y ago
    Saagar is a male forename, but yes, reducing kidnapping to "losing your wallet" in an attempt at whataboutery is a bit tasteless.
    - chitowneats 4y ago
      You're right. I assumed the commenter was male. I'm just recalling how many times women in my life said that to me in response to me daring to bring up any male-centered concerns. Things like Me Too witch hunts of men later proven to be innocent.
      - mattzito 4y ago
        I have been able to have constructive conversations about things like false rape accusations with women by engaging constructively and having specific, salient points about them. When I have seen them go very badly, it is almost always because the man comes at the conversation as there is somehow some equivalence or at least relative importance. And there absolutely is not anything close to equivalence. Sexual violence is so prevalent among women that I know several women who have been assaulted multiple times. I once was having a deep conversation with two female friends and one of them started to tell a story that was obviously hard to tell, and when she paused, the other friend said without emotion, “so, what’s this going to be, rape or no rape?” (It was rape) So yes, sure “me too witch hunts” are a real bummer, but telling that to a woman who has a not-insignificant percent chance of having been assaulted for real seems tone deaf, to put it mildly.
        chitowneats 4y ago
        And yet, TFA is about a completely separate phenomenon. Why are you seemingly incapable of staying on topic by discussing it?
        mattzito 4y ago
        This your definition of on-topic? > I'm just recalling how many times women in my life said that to me in response to me daring to bring up any male-centered concerns. Things like Me Too witch hunts of men later proven to be innocent. This is also in a larger thread correctly identifying that this is a situation that women have had to deal with for years - with no one saying it is acceptable.
        chitowneats 4y ago
        Every single comment I've made in this thread was made with the intent of chiding those who are off topic. "We didn't start the fire! Da nah nah nah nah nah"
        emj 4y ago
        It is then easier to understand a point when people are more nuanced I will give you that. Usually people comment on just one small part of the comment that is why you always have to try to interpret everything with good will. Saying "Men might have to do what women do" could also be interpreted as belittling what women go through. São Paulo was a pretty dark place back in the days I hope it has gotten better because it was also one of the most friendly places I've visited. Those tips for women seemed prudent for me back then. I am more worried about the problem with digital money. It's a lot easier to rob/assault someone if you do not have to drag them to an ATM.
      - flangola7 4y ago
        That's a yikes from me bro
        chitowneats 4y ago
        You'll come around.
        flangola7 4y ago
        HN is not a place for bitter men to come complain about women and make childish remarks such as "You'll come around."
        chitowneats 4y ago
        Thank you for your input. Duly noted.
autoexec 4y ago
I too thought your criticizing was overaggressive, but I'll grant you one thing: the comment "You may know that you're not the man who does that, but they don't, and the consequences can be worse than losing your wallet." does give the impression that the worst thing male victims might suffer is a "lost wallet" when the article makes it clear that these attacks against men are violent and have included homicides I'm not convinced that the commenter was intentionally trivializing the attacks on these men, but it's likely that the way it was phrased would have that effect.

by LanceH 4y ago

saagarjha 4y ago

This advice is literally exactly what every woman is told. It has nothing to do with male victims.

chitowneats 4y ago
The article is about overwhelmingly male victims. It's not always about you!
- ZGDUwpqEWpUZ 4y ago
  Saagar is a male forename, but yes, reducing kidnapping to "losing your wallet" in an attempt at whataboutery is a bit tasteless.
  - chitowneats 4y ago
    You're right. I assumed the commenter was male. I'm just recalling how many times women in my life said that to me in response to me daring to bring up any male-centered concerns. Things like Me Too witch hunts of men later proven to be innocent.
    - mattzito 4y ago
      I have been able to have constructive conversations about things like false rape accusations with women by engaging constructively and having specific, salient points about them. When I have seen them go very badly, it is almost always because the man comes at the conversation as there is somehow some equivalence or at least relative importance. And there absolutely is not anything close to equivalence. Sexual violence is so prevalent among women that I know several women who have been assaulted multiple times. I once was having a deep conversation with two female friends and one of them started to tell a story that was obviously hard to tell, and when she paused, the other friend said without emotion, “so, what’s this going to be, rape or no rape?” (It was rape) So yes, sure “me too witch hunts” are a real bummer, but telling that to a woman who has a not-insignificant percent chance of having been assaulted for real seems tone deaf, to put it mildly.
      - chitowneats 4y ago
        And yet, TFA is about a completely separate phenomenon. Why are you seemingly incapable of staying on topic by discussing it?
        mattzito 4y ago
        This your definition of on-topic? > I'm just recalling how many times women in my life said that to me in response to me daring to bring up any male-centered concerns. Things like Me Too witch hunts of men later proven to be innocent. This is also in a larger thread correctly identifying that this is a situation that women have had to deal with for years - with no one saying it is acceptable.
        chitowneats 4y ago
        Every single comment I've made in this thread was made with the intent of chiding those who are off topic. "We didn't start the fire! Da nah nah nah nah nah"
        emj 4y ago
        It is then easier to understand a point when people are more nuanced I will give you that. Usually people comment on just one small part of the comment that is why you always have to try to interpret everything with good will. Saying "Men might have to do what women do" could also be interpreted as belittling what women go through. São Paulo was a pretty dark place back in the days I hope it has gotten better because it was also one of the most friendly places I've visited. Those tips for women seemed prudent for me back then. I am more worried about the problem with digital money. It's a lot easier to rob/assault someone if you do not have to drag them to an ATM.
    - flangola7 4y ago
      That's a yikes from me bro
      - chitowneats 4y ago
        You'll come around.
        flangola7 4y ago
        HN is not a place for bitter men to come complain about women and make childish remarks such as "You'll come around."
        chitowneats 4y ago
        Thank you for your input. Duly noted.

autoexec 4y ago

I too thought your criticizing was overaggressive, but I'll grant you one thing: the comment "You may know that you're not the man who does that, but they don't, and the consequences can be worse than losing your wallet." does give the impression that the worst thing male victims might suffer is a "lost wallet" when the article makes it clear that these attacks against men are violent and have included homicides I'm not convinced that the commenter was intentionally trivializing the attacks on these men, but it's likely that the way it was phrased would have that effect.