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There are aspects of modern life that make it harder to make and keep friends as an adult but the biggest genuinely life changing lesson I learned is that every

by Spivak 4y ago

There are aspects of modern life that make it harder to make and keep friends as an adult but the biggest genuinely life changing lesson I learned is that every adult wants friends but struggles to make them. And you know what that dynamic means? You can walk up to a random adult and literally say and I quote "you seem cool, wanna be friends?" like you're on a schoolyard playground and it works. I accidentally texted a coworker (who I have never hung out with socially) who has the same name as one of my friends if she wanted to go to a music festival with me (like 5 days close quarters camping) and she said yes without hesitation. I met another girl at a party -- I knew of her because she was a friend's friend's ex but never actually talked to her. I just declared that we were best friends, we got drunk, and skipped out at the party to hang out/meet her other friends. She's my maid of honor. Met a guy during a charity scavenger hunt where the theme was to do mildly embarrassing things in public we hit it off after I had him take a picture of me licking a bronze statue's butt. I'm now in his softball league. I met a woman on a cruise after rescuing her son from the on-deck ropes course when a huge storm hit, we live super far away but play animal crossing together. I went from "oh no without school it's gonna be impossible to make friends" to "no actually this is a million times easier." All the stuff that makes you uncool as a teenager makes you interesting as an adult.

deleted 4y ago
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legerdemain 4y ago
"Maid of honor" suggests you identify as a woman. Experience suggests that women (at least in the US) have richer and more fluid social lives. I can easily find a good handful of "girls hanging out" social groups on Meetup in my relatively socially impoverished suburb. I suspect that my luck approaching random dudes with giant headphones on, staring intently at their laptop screens in a Starbucks will be pretty different.
- kbelder 4y ago
  Yeah, while both genders can certainly experience and have loneliness, it's massively more an endemic issue in males.
- watwut 4y ago
  What I noticed is that doing something for social reasons is literally stigmatized in male dominated groups especially when it is online and has a lot if Amerucans in it. I am woman that spend a lot of my time in male dominated tech hobbies and profession. The messages I absorbed when young roughly said that if you code on Christmas instead of socializing with family, then you are true programmer. A lot of the gatekeeping of hobbies against newbies is all bout checking who is "true fan". And true fans are not social. Are you here cause friends invited you to be with them? That is wrong. Did you came with open mind, zero knowledge and intention to socialize? That is wrong too. Did you became interested because of friends? That is wrong too. You should not be interested in things because anything social. It is not pure enough. But among people IRL who socialize a lot, including males, they get interested in what others do. They change activities to where people are. They engage in a lot of give and take "I accompany you to your thing and you go to mine".

by Spivak 4y ago

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

legerdemain 4y ago

"Maid of honor" suggests you identify as a woman. Experience suggests that women (at least in the US) have richer and more fluid social lives. I can easily find a good handful of "girls hanging out" social groups on Meetup in my relatively socially impoverished suburb. I suspect that my luck approaching random dudes with giant headphones on, staring intently at their laptop screens in a Starbucks will be pretty different.

kbelder 4y ago
Yeah, while both genders can certainly experience and have loneliness, it's massively more an endemic issue in males.
watwut 4y ago
What I noticed is that doing something for social reasons is literally stigmatized in male dominated groups especially when it is online and has a lot if Amerucans in it. I am woman that spend a lot of my time in male dominated tech hobbies and profession. The messages I absorbed when young roughly said that if you code on Christmas instead of socializing with family, then you are true programmer. A lot of the gatekeeping of hobbies against newbies is all bout checking who is "true fan". And true fans are not social. Are you here cause friends invited you to be with them? That is wrong. Did you came with open mind, zero knowledge and intention to socialize? That is wrong too. Did you became interested because of friends? That is wrong too. You should not be interested in things because anything social. It is not pure enough. But among people IRL who socialize a lot, including males, they get interested in what others do. They change activities to where people are. They engage in a lot of give and take "I accompany you to your thing and you go to mine".