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As a European who moved to USA almost 8 years ago, the positivity still grinds on me. Yes it’s _pleasant_, even nice, but it isn’t kind. Give me a person who sp
by Swizec 4y ago
As a European who moved to USA almost 8 years ago, the positivity still grinds on me. Yes it’s _pleasant_, even nice, but it isn’t kind. Give me a person who speaks their mind any day.
At least it’s kinda okay in engineering land. We have our wry jokes and witty remarks. But poke your head outside that bubble and the amount of verbal gymnastics you have to wade through just to figure out what someone was trying to say … urgh.
edit: This reminds me of when my sister came to visit and we went to a farmer’s market. Someone bumped into her and said ”Excuse me” and she later said ”Aw Americans are so nice!” … no dear, that means “get out of my way asshole”
- noirbot 4y agoWow, that is... a very cynical way to view that interaction. Obviously you were there to hear how they said it, but I'll apologize if I bump into someone on accident and earnestly mean it. What would you think is more honest? Someone bumps into you and cusses you out? Says nothing and ignores that the may have hurt you or caused you to drop something?
- Swizec 4y agoOh no, this was a very San Francisco interaction. My sister was definitely in the way, had no idea what she was doing, and got an “cough excuse me” after not noticing the person awkwardly trying to get around her for the prerequisite 10 seconds. And yeah in a crowded place with people having very little personal space? Just ignore it and move on. It’s not a big deal. Obviously there are levels of crowdedness, but somewhere between empty room and front row at a concert, you stop acknowledging small bumps. Either way, I don’t think I’ve seen anyone use “excuse me” as an apology in SF. It’s more like the Minnesotan “ope” – said while you’re already shoving your way past someone purposefully. An apology sounds more like ”Shit, I’m sorry! Are you okay?”
- noirbot 4y agoSo, in that case, what would have been the more "honest" way for that person to have gotten your sister to move? "Will you please move out of my way" is honest, but feels like it has just as much of an implied "You inconsiderate asshole" while taking far more words and time. I'm mostly curious because I've been living with a variety of German travelers in the US for the last 10 years for reasons and have, if anything, found them to be overly polite to the point of annoyance relative to my American instincts.
- alexashka 4y agoI had a similar reaction when I moved to Canada when I was a kid. It's just cultural norms. Inability to know what someone was trying to say is a feature, not a bug. Sure, in engineering and science, it is a bug, but in everyday life, what a great feature. It forces people to translate vague-speak into my-worldview-speak, which helps bridge the culture/worldview gap. You can always drill down and double-check that you've interpreted correctly but communicating in vague-speak avoids so many sharp corners people tend to have - it's great stuff. Can you imagine what hell places with lots of immigrants would be if all of them thought their culture was the way to go and looked down upon all that is unfamiliar and foreign?
- kridsdale1 4y agoMy wife refuses to move to Canada for this reason. You can’t trust anybody.
- JohnFen 4y ago> no dear, that means “get out of my way asshole” That depends entirely on the tone of voice used. Typically, people mean "excuse me".