3 ms·

From my experience from using Tinder: no, most women try to appeal as broadly as possible and have low effort profiles and make low effort in general. It is pos

by jeltz 4y ago

From my experience from using Tinder: no, most women try to appeal as broadly as possible and have low effort profiles and make low effort in general. It is possible that men are the same but I do not date men. And I get the same impression as she gets about men: that they are lazy and not interested in dating. > I wonder if she's ever actually sent a message to someone else. This entitlement of "entertain me peasant" is one of the reasons why I deleted these apps. Aren't you basically agree with her then? That once she moved away from a generic bland profile to actually putting some effort into it she got more success? I am not sure I agree with her advice about being picky though, if you actually make a profile which appeals to the kind of people you want to meet I am not sure you have to be that picky.

mcv 4y ago
Exactly. Of course you shouldn't be so picky that no mortal is going to meet your unrealistic standards, but you should definitely be picky enough to separate the wheat from the chaff. Appealing to everybody when you're really just looking for one person means you're taking on a lot of pointless work. Let people select themselves: make sure your profile is specifically about you, and not some generic person of your gender. Don't be afraid to be off-putting to people you don't want to date. Don't claim to love partying if you don't. If you've got a weird hobby that would put a lot of people off but that you want your match to accept, definitely put it in. If you're looking for a long term relationship, put it in. Some people just aren't interested in that stuff, so why waste time on trying to date them? And as far as I'm concerned, this goes equally for both men and women. From my chats with women on dating sites, the behaviour of a lot of men is totally irrational to me: they just message every woman. Lots of women are inundated by messages from men who didn't even read their profile. This makes the dating experience for women extremely frustrating, as there's piles and piles of crap to wade through. So they end up ignoring most messages, which makes the experience also frustrating for men. My advice to women on dating sites is to just ignore the flood of incoming messages from men you didn't contact, and instead look for interesting profiles and contacting them. I think that massively improves the experience for both men and women.
- distant_hat 4y ago
  Isn't that basically Bumble? All that happens is the woman sends a low effort 'Hi' and then expects the man to pick up the conversation from there.
  - mcv 4y ago
    I would expect that to be as effective as when a man does it. At least with me; to the low-effort "Hey" men, a low-effort "Hi" woman might well be a perfect match.
WastingMyTime89 4y ago
> And I get the same impression as she gets about men: that they are lazy and not interested in dating. Coming from a culture where dating doesn’t exist but has now sadly been somewhat imported by American applications, I’m still surprised that people find the idea appealing. The whole thing still somewhat baffles me. It’s like job application applied to life partner, capitalist productivism extended to relationships. That and the whole idea that people should date around and non exclusivity is the norm are probably the most repealing part of American culture to me (and there is a lot I dislike about American culture).

by jeltz 4y ago

mcv 4y ago

Exactly. Of course you shouldn't be so picky that no mortal is going to meet your unrealistic standards, but you should definitely be picky enough to separate the wheat from the chaff. Appealing to everybody when you're really just looking for one person means you're taking on a lot of pointless work. Let people select themselves: make sure your profile is specifically about you, and not some generic person of your gender. Don't be afraid to be off-putting to people you don't want to date. Don't claim to love partying if you don't. If you've got a weird hobby that would put a lot of people off but that you want your match to accept, definitely put it in. If you're looking for a long term relationship, put it in. Some people just aren't interested in that stuff, so why waste time on trying to date them? And as far as I'm concerned, this goes equally for both men and women. From my chats with women on dating sites, the behaviour of a lot of men is totally irrational to me: they just message every woman. Lots of women are inundated by messages from men who didn't even read their profile. This makes the dating experience for women extremely frustrating, as there's piles and piles of crap to wade through. So they end up ignoring most messages, which makes the experience also frustrating for men. My advice to women on dating sites is to just ignore the flood of incoming messages from men you didn't contact, and instead look for interesting profiles and contacting them. I think that massively improves the experience for both men and women.

distant_hat 4y ago
Isn't that basically Bumble? All that happens is the woman sends a low effort 'Hi' and then expects the man to pick up the conversation from there.
- mcv 4y ago
  I would expect that to be as effective as when a man does it. At least with me; to the low-effort "Hey" men, a low-effort "Hi" woman might well be a perfect match.

WastingMyTime89 4y ago

> And I get the same impression as she gets about men: that they are lazy and not interested in dating. Coming from a culture where dating doesn’t exist but has now sadly been somewhat imported by American applications, I’m still surprised that people find the idea appealing. The whole thing still somewhat baffles me. It’s like job application applied to life partner, capitalist productivism extended to relationships. That and the whole idea that people should date around and non exclusivity is the norm are probably the most repealing part of American culture to me (and there is a lot I dislike about American culture).