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I've never used a dating app. I knew my wife for years before I asked her out. I can't imagine dating strangers from an app. What do you talk about? How do you

by xupybd 4y ago

I've never used a dating app. I knew my wife for years before I asked her out. I can't imagine dating strangers from an app. What do you talk about? How do you get to know someone, one on one in a romantic context? Maybe I'm just too old.

twelve40 4y ago
> What do you talk about? How do you get to know someone, one on one in a romantic context? Not that hard, you just talk like, you know, humans, and you either hit it off or not. Why is that any harder/different from the awkwardness of asking someone you know (possibly forever) out for the first time? At least here both parties know exactly what they signed up for.
- seba_dos1 4y ago
  > Not that hard, you just talk like, you know, humans Sounds like you take your skills for granted.
  - twelve40 4y ago
    Sorry, I'm really not claiming any skills. I've had good experience with the apps, my only takeaway is, if you reasonably loosen up and talk normal, and it doesn't work, then we click next, because no amount of pretend will work in the long run.
    - seba_dos1 4y ago
      You absolutely are. "Loosening up and talking normal" in presence of a stranger is a skill. Some people acquired it naturally while growing up, some had to put conscious effort to learn it, some never managed to learn it. For some people it was easy to learn, others find it hard. Some people manage to do it, but find it exhausting. Some people have to play on hard mode all the time due to conditions like RSD. Sounds like it's something that came easy to you - I'm just pointing out that it's not an universal experience.
rjh29 4y ago
I agree. I met my current gf online but on social media, so we commented on each other's posts first and built rapport. That made it easy to start a conversation and I didn't really have to compete with anyone. I've had gfs on normal dating apps too but it's harder, you have to be very interesting or attractive, and competition is higher so you're less likely to meet someone really good. For me at least, it doesn't come naturally and incurs a lot of mental effort. It's probably not good for mental health either.
petodo 4y ago
> What do you talk about? Same as with everyone else I guess, common hobbies/interests or just small talk and if it seems interesting then just meet in person and check if you click? I've used dating app while living in foreign country not speaking local language with local population very limited English knowledge so dating/IM app is quite obvious choice in that case unless you are after bar girls. Met my wife through dating app. Though I was also quite chatty going to parks on weekends talking to people/girls/female colleagues but end up with wife from dating app, so it was not that I would meet women exclusively only through those apps.

by xupybd 4y ago

twelve40 4y ago

> What do you talk about? How do you get to know someone, one on one in a romantic context? Not that hard, you just talk like, you know, humans, and you either hit it off or not. Why is that any harder/different from the awkwardness of asking someone you know (possibly forever) out for the first time? At least here both parties know exactly what they signed up for.

seba_dos1 4y ago
> Not that hard, you just talk like, you know, humans Sounds like you take your skills for granted.
- twelve40 4y ago
  Sorry, I'm really not claiming any skills. I've had good experience with the apps, my only takeaway is, if you reasonably loosen up and talk normal, and it doesn't work, then we click next, because no amount of pretend will work in the long run.
  - seba_dos1 4y ago
    You absolutely are. "Loosening up and talking normal" in presence of a stranger is a skill. Some people acquired it naturally while growing up, some had to put conscious effort to learn it, some never managed to learn it. For some people it was easy to learn, others find it hard. Some people manage to do it, but find it exhausting. Some people have to play on hard mode all the time due to conditions like RSD. Sounds like it's something that came easy to you - I'm just pointing out that it's not an universal experience.

rjh29 4y ago

I agree. I met my current gf online but on social media, so we commented on each other's posts first and built rapport. That made it easy to start a conversation and I didn't really have to compete with anyone. I've had gfs on normal dating apps too but it's harder, you have to be very interesting or attractive, and competition is higher so you're less likely to meet someone really good. For me at least, it doesn't come naturally and incurs a lot of mental effort. It's probably not good for mental health either.

petodo 4y ago

> What do you talk about? Same as with everyone else I guess, common hobbies/interests or just small talk and if it seems interesting then just meet in person and check if you click? I've used dating app while living in foreign country not speaking local language with local population very limited English knowledge so dating/IM app is quite obvious choice in that case unless you are after bar girls. Met my wife through dating app. Though I was also quite chatty going to parks on weekends talking to people/girls/female colleagues but end up with wife from dating app, so it was not that I would meet women exclusively only through those apps.