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My mom retired and then returned to work a year later. To me, not working is amazing. I love it. I was laid off and would love to continue not working (if only

by rcme 4y ago

My mom retired and then returned to work a year later. To me, not working is amazing. I love it. I was laid off and would love to continue not working (if only I could afford it!). My mom, however, felt differently. She explained it like this: she knows she is getting older, so, after retiring, she felt as if she was just waiting around for death. Yes, she had more time for activities she enjoyed, but she also enjoyed working. She enjoyed being a productive member of society. She enjoyed being relevant. I understand where she's coming from, even though I disagree.

giantg2 4y ago
"she felt as if she was just waiting around for death." That's how I feel at work.
- granshaw 4y ago
  Amen, but rephrased as "I'm throwing away my good years till death"
  - klardotsh 4y ago
    Ding ding ding! 4-day workweeks and (more recently, now that I'm more willing to set aside my quarrels with the interest-bearing capitalist system since my sole protest certainly won't be the thing to topple it) the FIRE (or LeanFIRE, BaristaFIRE, etc.) movement(s) resonate with me for exactly this reason: grinding myself to bits for 40 years in hopes I maybe get to have 10-20 years of retirement on a broken body and decaying mind in my 60s-80s is such a horrible bargain. I want my 20s and 30s for me: when I can still enjoy being alive.
- rcme 4y ago
  Maybe this feeling is part of the human condition, regardless of age.
nickpeterson 4y ago
I think the balance is, if the job is still doable at retirement ages, and isn’t some physically grueling task, having seniors put in 3-4 day weeks might be a good option. Especially if they do t have hobbies or others to care for.
klyrs 4y ago
It took my mom a few years to find her rhythm, but she's loving retirement. Crucially, it took her some time to find community that she could meaningfully participate in, but now that she's got that, she doesn't look back.
UncleOxidant 4y ago
I did a trial run at retirement for a couple of years (2020-2021). And I think I came to a similar conclusion as your mom. I figured I'd learn stuff, work on projects, etc. and I certainly did some of that, but there were just too many choices to make for how to spend my time and at some point that causes a sort of paralysis of inaction. You figure you've got plenty of time to do X so might as well do it tomorrow - lots of procrastination. At some point I figured I might as well go back to work and get paid to do something. I think my ideal would be to work something like 3 days/week - I could just do that forever if the work was moderately interesting, but there aren't a lot of programming gigs where they let you do that.
- granshaw 4y ago
  Why not just freelance and pick gigs you find interesting? When client asks why you can only do 3days/week, "I would love to, but my other clients..."
  - UncleOxidant 4y ago
    I think most clients want you to work on their stuff full time because if they weren't in a hurry they probably wouldn't hire someone to work on their project.
    - JohnFen 4y ago
      The trick is that you never tell them how many hours you're giving them, let alone when those hours are. You tell them when you'll deliver what they're asking for. Anything more than that isn't relevant to them and isn't any of their business.
      - granshaw 4y ago
        This can work if you’re good, otherwise you’d lose out to those who would be working fulltime and would deliver faster But you could also charge less too so maybe that’s your advantage Heck, I know I’d jump on anyone who’d just come over and work when they’re free and take longer, for a lower price, for home improvement type stuff
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
chihuahua 4y ago
I've had a lot of different jobs over the past 25 years. All of them in software, some FAANG, some smaller companies. I've hated every day of every one of those jobs. Right now, not working sounds like the greatest thing in the world to me. But I wonder what it's going to be like when I don't have to deal with this shit any more.
JohnFen 4y ago
> Yes, she had more time for activities she enjoyed, but she also enjoyed working. My issue is that I believed in the saying "do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life". It turned out that doing what I love as a career sucks much of the joy out of what I love. So there's a part of me that's looking forward to retirement precisely so that I can get back to programming for real, rather than for pay. But I'm also well aware that this thinking may be yet another trap.

by rcme 4y ago

giantg2 4y ago

"she felt as if she was just waiting around for death." That's how I feel at work.

granshaw 4y ago
Amen, but rephrased as "I'm throwing away my good years till death"
- klardotsh 4y ago
  Ding ding ding! 4-day workweeks and (more recently, now that I'm more willing to set aside my quarrels with the interest-bearing capitalist system since my sole protest certainly won't be the thing to topple it) the FIRE (or LeanFIRE, BaristaFIRE, etc.) movement(s) resonate with me for exactly this reason: grinding myself to bits for 40 years in hopes I maybe get to have 10-20 years of retirement on a broken body and decaying mind in my 60s-80s is such a horrible bargain. I want my 20s and 30s for me: when I can still enjoy being alive.
rcme 4y ago
Maybe this feeling is part of the human condition, regardless of age.

nickpeterson 4y ago

I think the balance is, if the job is still doable at retirement ages, and isn’t some physically grueling task, having seniors put in 3-4 day weeks might be a good option. Especially if they do t have hobbies or others to care for.

klyrs 4y ago

It took my mom a few years to find her rhythm, but she's loving retirement. Crucially, it took her some time to find community that she could meaningfully participate in, but now that she's got that, she doesn't look back.

UncleOxidant 4y ago

I did a trial run at retirement for a couple of years (2020-2021). And I think I came to a similar conclusion as your mom. I figured I'd learn stuff, work on projects, etc. and I certainly did some of that, but there were just too many choices to make for how to spend my time and at some point that causes a sort of paralysis of inaction. You figure you've got plenty of time to do X so might as well do it tomorrow - lots of procrastination. At some point I figured I might as well go back to work and get paid to do something. I think my ideal would be to work something like 3 days/week - I could just do that forever if the work was moderately interesting, but there aren't a lot of programming gigs where they let you do that.

granshaw 4y ago
Why not just freelance and pick gigs you find interesting? When client asks why you can only do 3days/week, "I would love to, but my other clients..."
- UncleOxidant 4y ago
  I think most clients want you to work on their stuff full time because if they weren't in a hurry they probably wouldn't hire someone to work on their project.
  - JohnFen 4y ago
    The trick is that you never tell them how many hours you're giving them, let alone when those hours are. You tell them when you'll deliver what they're asking for. Anything more than that isn't relevant to them and isn't any of their business.
    - granshaw 4y ago
      This can work if you’re good, otherwise you’d lose out to those who would be working fulltime and would deliver faster But you could also charge less too so maybe that’s your advantage Heck, I know I’d jump on anyone who’d just come over and work when they’re free and take longer, for a lower price, for home improvement type stuff

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

chihuahua 4y ago

I've had a lot of different jobs over the past 25 years. All of them in software, some FAANG, some smaller companies. I've hated every day of every one of those jobs. Right now, not working sounds like the greatest thing in the world to me. But I wonder what it's going to be like when I don't have to deal with this shit any more.

JohnFen 4y ago

> Yes, she had more time for activities she enjoyed, but she also enjoyed working. My issue is that I believed in the saying "do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life". It turned out that doing what I love as a career sucks much of the joy out of what I love. So there's a part of me that's looking forward to retirement precisely so that I can get back to programming for real, rather than for pay. But I'm also well aware that this thinking may be yet another trap.