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I grew up in Latin America but now I'm married to an American woman and thus out of the "pool". I hang out with coworkers still in their 20s and I'm blown away

I grew up in Latin America but now I'm married to an American woman and thus out of the "pool". I hang out with coworkers still in their 20s and I'm blown away by how their teens and 20s differed from mine. When I was single, all my friends and I could think about was how to find the next date or sexual partner. We were all very active, and I personally had over a dozen "serious" girlfriends (3+ months) and another couple dozen kissing flings/sexual partners, roughly 50/50 between Latin America and the US. I actually can't easily remember all the women I've been with, certainly not all of their names and in fact I'm pretty mediocre in terms of "achievement" among my friends, the best of them having had 50-100 sexual partners in their lives. Most of my younger American coworkers get to their 20s barely having kissed a couple of girls in their lives, the difference is astonishing. Have in mind I'm not particularly attractive, tall or fit, I have an average build and I'd say I disappear in the crowd but I know how to communicate with a woman and respectfully "court" them, even if it's for a one night stand. This is skill learned in my teens through trial and a LOT of error. I can't explain, maybe today our sanitized and risk-averse schools repress men's learning of the "courtship language".

llampx 4y ago
Culture matters. You can have the most "game" but if you grow up in Saudi Arabia or India you will almost certainly have a lower "count" than someone with no game who grew up in Brazil.
- danielrpa 4y ago
  True, but what I'm saying is that the same overall approach - at least in my case - worked well in the US, even though things were harder at first (some tweaks were needed indeed). I bet things would be different in India or Saudi Arabia, however we're talking about the US here. I'm saying that if young American men had the opportunity to learn how to court women, they would have no problems finding mates.
  - Jensson 4y ago
    > if young American men had the opportunity to learn how to court women You growing up in a culture where courting women is encouraged makes a huge difference, you can't really practice if it isn't socially acceptable to court women badly.
    - deleted 4y ago
      [deleted]
    - danielrpa 4y ago
      Yeah, I think that's the most likely reason. Although it's always possible to catch up after school in a late bloomer sense.
  - goethes_kind 4y ago
    Can you elaborate on what it means to court a woman?
    - danielrpa 4y ago
      It can mean many things, but it will generally eventually boil down to some sort of sexual relation at some point in the future, not necessarily in the context of, but also not excluding, a relationship. There could be other possible outcomes of a courtship (living together with no sex?), but I think that's the most common.
  - theGnuMe 4y ago
    So Don Juan tell us how you court the American woman.
bradlys 4y ago
How old are you? I’ve found many men also severely underrate how physically attractive they are. I’ve had male models tell me they’re average looking, guys who are 6ft+ say they’re average height, and guys who literally have girls asking them out saying they’re nothing special. You might think you know how to talk to women but it might just be a halo effect. It’s more often that than anything else. I’ve seen many men go through the exact same dialogue and have wildly different results because one guy is physically attractive and the other isn’t. There’s a good example of someone I see in person regularly. Guy is a bit of a doofus but he’s tall as hell and has a jawline. Women are constantly asking for his number and interacting with him all the time. Yet, the women who have talked to him for more than ten minutes are like, “yeah he’s terrible. So awkward, unfunny, and the dancing - holy cow is it bad!” Literally he sells so well on his physicality but then he can’t deliver with personality. Women give him more chances than they’ll ever give any of his shorter peers. I was pretty blown away when he told me about how he gets endless matches and dates from online because - again - dude is a total doofus. You couldn’t get a much worse person socially and yet he’s swimming in options. Personality is overrated these days, imo.
- danielrpa 4y ago
  I'm in my 40s. Well, I'm not saying I'm unattractive, just that I won't stand out in a crowd. I'm the average guy. I'm healthy, not overweight, I shave regularly and wear Tommy Hilfiger instead of Target (although they might sell TH at Target, haha). Here's how I know it: it's the amount of effort I have to put in getting a mate. I said I learned how to do it with a lot of trial and error, but that's not the case for a few of my friends. Women come to them with minimal effort (I've witnessed it many times). Not the case with me, I have to initiate it and conquer every inch of territory, so to speak. I also had a hard time on dating websites when I used to do that. Few responses, almost zero girls reaching out organically, but a high success rate when getting a response (however that is to be expected, I suppose). For a math analogy, I don't get the A because I'm a genius and finished the test in 10 minutes without studying. I'm the guy who studies a lot to get the A, so not a "natural", just someone with enough potential alongside learning to write the right things down.
  - 4y ago
cragfar 4y ago
It started in the early 00s, but schools/media really started to shame boys for pursuing girls. Especially if the girls showed the slightest bit of resistance.
bongoman37 4y ago
[dead]

llampx 4y ago

Culture matters. You can have the most "game" but if you grow up in Saudi Arabia or India you will almost certainly have a lower "count" than someone with no game who grew up in Brazil.

danielrpa 4y ago
True, but what I'm saying is that the same overall approach - at least in my case - worked well in the US, even though things were harder at first (some tweaks were needed indeed). I bet things would be different in India or Saudi Arabia, however we're talking about the US here. I'm saying that if young American men had the opportunity to learn how to court women, they would have no problems finding mates.
- Jensson 4y ago
  > if young American men had the opportunity to learn how to court women You growing up in a culture where courting women is encouraged makes a huge difference, you can't really practice if it isn't socially acceptable to court women badly.
  - deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
  - danielrpa 4y ago
    Yeah, I think that's the most likely reason. Although it's always possible to catch up after school in a late bloomer sense.
- goethes_kind 4y ago
  Can you elaborate on what it means to court a woman?
  - danielrpa 4y ago
    It can mean many things, but it will generally eventually boil down to some sort of sexual relation at some point in the future, not necessarily in the context of, but also not excluding, a relationship. There could be other possible outcomes of a courtship (living together with no sex?), but I think that's the most common.
- theGnuMe 4y ago
  So Don Juan tell us how you court the American woman.

bradlys 4y ago

How old are you? I’ve found many men also severely underrate how physically attractive they are. I’ve had male models tell me they’re average looking, guys who are 6ft+ say they’re average height, and guys who literally have girls asking them out saying they’re nothing special. You might think you know how to talk to women but it might just be a halo effect. It’s more often that than anything else. I’ve seen many men go through the exact same dialogue and have wildly different results because one guy is physically attractive and the other isn’t. There’s a good example of someone I see in person regularly. Guy is a bit of a doofus but he’s tall as hell and has a jawline. Women are constantly asking for his number and interacting with him all the time. Yet, the women who have talked to him for more than ten minutes are like, “yeah he’s terrible. So awkward, unfunny, and the dancing - holy cow is it bad!” Literally he sells so well on his physicality but then he can’t deliver with personality. Women give him more chances than they’ll ever give any of his shorter peers. I was pretty blown away when he told me about how he gets endless matches and dates from online because - again - dude is a total doofus. You couldn’t get a much worse person socially and yet he’s swimming in options. Personality is overrated these days, imo.

danielrpa 4y ago
I'm in my 40s. Well, I'm not saying I'm unattractive, just that I won't stand out in a crowd. I'm the average guy. I'm healthy, not overweight, I shave regularly and wear Tommy Hilfiger instead of Target (although they might sell TH at Target, haha). Here's how I know it: it's the amount of effort I have to put in getting a mate. I said I learned how to do it with a lot of trial and error, but that's not the case for a few of my friends. Women come to them with minimal effort (I've witnessed it many times). Not the case with me, I have to initiate it and conquer every inch of territory, so to speak. I also had a hard time on dating websites when I used to do that. Few responses, almost zero girls reaching out organically, but a high success rate when getting a response (however that is to be expected, I suppose). For a math analogy, I don't get the A because I'm a genius and finished the test in 10 minutes without studying. I'm the guy who studies a lot to get the A, so not a "natural", just someone with enough potential alongside learning to write the right things down.
- 4y ago

cragfar 4y ago

It started in the early 00s, but schools/media really started to shame boys for pursuing girls. Especially if the girls showed the slightest bit of resistance.

bongoman37 4y ago

[dead]