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I'm in my mid-30s and definitely can relate to much of what this article talks about. For me this "crisis" started in my mid 20s, although I really can't relat

I'm in my mid-30s and definitely can relate to much of what this article talks about. For me this "crisis" started in my mid 20s, although I really can't relate to it as a "crisis" but more of an "awareness". Around the age of 25/26 I was working as a software developer in SF and having the time of my life. Parties, dating, living in the city, spending all my money on rent. Then I started slowly but surely to become aware of my age, and the fact that I needed to find a partner. I worried that if I didn't start to think about finding a partner, I might not find one in time and could end up old and alone. So I made a series of rather large decisions to be more (productively) social, and look for a partner. I did that, and got married. Bought a house. Leaned into my career. Nearly a decade later now in my mid 30s I'm doing pretty good financially and am in a happy marriage of 8 years. But I am left with a feeling of "what else?" For reasons that are my own, I choose not to have kids. Maybe that's the end of the story there, maybe you can attribute all of this feeling of "what else" to the fact that I'm not procreating and don't have children to pour my extra focus/worry/attention into. I think that's a weak excuse though, and the real answer is more difficult to understand. I look back on my childhood as a magical, interesting time and modern adult life by comparison is rather dull. Sure you can do things to spice it up, but mostly its the same thing day in and day out. I'm trying my best to make peace with this and enjoy the routine, and have had some success, but definitely can't shake this depressed feeling of "is this it?" Climbing the career latter is fun, traveling is fun, etc. etc. but none of it compares to that magic of childhood and the excitement for things.

CUViper 4y ago
Parenting is like being an NPC in that magic of childhood. You get to live through that again, just not as the main character. I imagine that starts again as a grandparent, but I'm not there yet.
- rubicon33 4y ago
  Yea I recognize that this is for some people one of the biggest draws to having children. I admit that it would be nice to get to "relive" childhood even as an NPC, but since I wont be having children this option (to solve "is this it" feeling) isn't even on the table.
dwaltrip 4y ago
Scattershot of potentially useful questions: What brings you the most joy and contentment? What do you find meaningful? Are you doing these things, even a little? If not, why? What makes a good life? How can you make your life more like that? Is there anything you are afraid of that you haven't faced yet? Any pain or grief you aren't letting go of? Best wishes to you :) If you get something out of those questions, try checking back in a year and seeing if there is more juice to squeeze.
pknomad 4y ago
Same here. I'm turning 32 on upcoming May and I've put my career in the back burner in favor of finding a partner. I think places like in SF or NY make it super easy for young/mid 20's folks to focus only on their career and very little else. >But I am left with a feeling of "what else?" I feel like this is a perpetual state that we human beings will find ourselves in. I feel like once you have something, there's that itch that wants you to get something more/else.
- haswell 4y ago
  > I feel like this is a perpetual state that we human beings will find ourselves in. It wasn't until I had experienced several major peaks in my career in my mid 30s that I realized it would never be enough. I've found that adding mindfulness and some elements of Buddhist philosophy (minus the religious bits) has been a hugely helpful practice for dealing with this reality.
  - rubicon33 4y ago
    > It wasn't until I had experienced several major peaks in my career in my mid 30s that I realized it would never be enough. That's kind of the state that I'm in now. I don't really think any promotion or any significant windfall would change this feeling of "is this it". Sure, I'd be able to buy a bigger house, a nicer car, and go on fancier vacations... But I'd always be asking "whats next". Instead I am trying to find peace and happiness in the routine and stability of life. The problem I'm facing is that routine and stability are rather boring. I miss the feeling a child has when experiencing something for the first time.
archagon 4y ago
https://youtu.be/cCeeTfsm8bk https://youtu.be/cCeeTfsm8bk
- rubicon33 4y ago
  Well that was rather depressing!
sublinear 4y ago
> modern adult life by comparison is rather dull. Sure you can do things to spice it up, but mostly its the same thing day in and day out Adulthood tends to be about seeking stability, but that also makes things dull. Instead of asking "is this it?", maybe ask "what's next?". If you focus on the past it will seem like you've done a lot, but if you're saying it's been dull that's probably not true. Also you can always revisit things you thought you knew with fresh eyes years later and realize you just scratched the surface. I think even marriages and careers are like this. I think being able to begin again might be a skill in itself.
- rubicon33 4y ago
  > I think even marriages and careers are like this. I think being able to begin again might be a skill in itself. It's definitely a skill and one that I don't presently have. I think it takes creativity and a positive outlook to reinvent, or begin again.
hungryforcodes 4y ago
Move out to Asia or another place. You'd be surprised how fun it is.
empressplay 4y ago
Consider teaching coding, even part-time, you get to see those ah-ha moments in kids and it's really energizing
vitehozonage 4y ago
Your narrative sounds fairly standard to me, but I'm in my 30s and can't relate at all. My experience of life has been completely different. I suppose it's like a bell curve and stereotyping lives can only capture some people's experience
- rubicon33 4y ago
  > I suppose it's like a bell curve and stereotyping lives can only capture some people's experience For sure. > Your narrative sounds fairly standard to me, but I'm in my 30s and can't relate at all. How has your life been different?

CUViper 4y ago

Parenting is like being an NPC in that magic of childhood. You get to live through that again, just not as the main character. I imagine that starts again as a grandparent, but I'm not there yet.

rubicon33 4y ago
Yea I recognize that this is for some people one of the biggest draws to having children. I admit that it would be nice to get to "relive" childhood even as an NPC, but since I wont be having children this option (to solve "is this it" feeling) isn't even on the table.

dwaltrip 4y ago

Scattershot of potentially useful questions: What brings you the most joy and contentment? What do you find meaningful? Are you doing these things, even a little? If not, why? What makes a good life? How can you make your life more like that? Is there anything you are afraid of that you haven't faced yet? Any pain or grief you aren't letting go of? Best wishes to you :) If you get something out of those questions, try checking back in a year and seeing if there is more juice to squeeze.

pknomad 4y ago

Same here. I'm turning 32 on upcoming May and I've put my career in the back burner in favor of finding a partner. I think places like in SF or NY make it super easy for young/mid 20's folks to focus only on their career and very little else. >But I am left with a feeling of "what else?" I feel like this is a perpetual state that we human beings will find ourselves in. I feel like once you have something, there's that itch that wants you to get something more/else.

haswell 4y ago
> I feel like this is a perpetual state that we human beings will find ourselves in. It wasn't until I had experienced several major peaks in my career in my mid 30s that I realized it would never be enough. I've found that adding mindfulness and some elements of Buddhist philosophy (minus the religious bits) has been a hugely helpful practice for dealing with this reality.
- rubicon33 4y ago
  > It wasn't until I had experienced several major peaks in my career in my mid 30s that I realized it would never be enough. That's kind of the state that I'm in now. I don't really think any promotion or any significant windfall would change this feeling of "is this it". Sure, I'd be able to buy a bigger house, a nicer car, and go on fancier vacations... But I'd always be asking "whats next". Instead I am trying to find peace and happiness in the routine and stability of life. The problem I'm facing is that routine and stability are rather boring. I miss the feeling a child has when experiencing something for the first time.

archagon 4y ago

https://youtu.be/cCeeTfsm8bk https://youtu.be/cCeeTfsm8bk

rubicon33 4y ago
Well that was rather depressing!

sublinear 4y ago

> modern adult life by comparison is rather dull. Sure you can do things to spice it up, but mostly its the same thing day in and day out Adulthood tends to be about seeking stability, but that also makes things dull. Instead of asking "is this it?", maybe ask "what's next?". If you focus on the past it will seem like you've done a lot, but if you're saying it's been dull that's probably not true. Also you can always revisit things you thought you knew with fresh eyes years later and realize you just scratched the surface. I think even marriages and careers are like this. I think being able to begin again might be a skill in itself.

rubicon33 4y ago
> I think even marriages and careers are like this. I think being able to begin again might be a skill in itself. It's definitely a skill and one that I don't presently have. I think it takes creativity and a positive outlook to reinvent, or begin again.

hungryforcodes 4y ago

Move out to Asia or another place. You'd be surprised how fun it is.

empressplay 4y ago

Consider teaching coding, even part-time, you get to see those ah-ha moments in kids and it's really energizing

vitehozonage 4y ago

Your narrative sounds fairly standard to me, but I'm in my 30s and can't relate at all. My experience of life has been completely different. I suppose it's like a bell curve and stereotyping lives can only capture some people's experience

rubicon33 4y ago
> I suppose it's like a bell curve and stereotyping lives can only capture some people's experience For sure. > Your narrative sounds fairly standard to me, but I'm in my 30s and can't relate at all. How has your life been different?