4 ms·

"my partner and I grew up in the Bay Area, and have parents who live nearby. " yeup. nobody talks about this but its one of the most important things you will

"my partner and I grew up in the Bay Area, and have parents who live nearby. " yeup. nobody talks about this but its one of the most important things you will ever have to decide in life.

sva_ 4y ago
Decisions such as what kind of parents birth you?
- mensetmanusman 4y ago
  If you want kids, having parents nearby can be the difference between sanity and insanity.
  - cmrdporcupine 4y ago
    Can corroborate. And once you have kids in school and a career in one location, it's not going to be trivial to move around. Moved away from family, for work in my 20s, ended up with wife and family. But now even with remote work and the ability for me to work anywhere I want, and a kid with health issues and family could help... moving back to where my parents are (now in their late 70s) isn't a simple option. Means pulling kids from school and friends, wife from my in-laws, it's a whole thing. Think carefully how you start your career in your 20s.
    - blobbers 4y ago
      Yes. Silicon Valley is a trap. You can’t afford to have parents nearby unless they already are (as these folks have) Everything related to families is a cash grab and a SFH in Palo Alto, Peninsula or Cupertino means throwing any hope of early financial freedom. A FAANG job will pay more but for how you can live almost anywhere else in the country, a remote job at 2/3 the salary is much much better.
  - nmfisher 4y ago
    My wife and I live in an entirely different country from both our parents. Our first was born early last year, and my mother-in-law only just got a chance to come and help out for a few weeks. Having family around to help take care of the kids makes a HUGE difference (and not just financially), particularly with two working parents. It's obviously doable without it, but if you have the option, I would strongly advise at least considering moving somewhere close to family who can help out.
- NhanH 4y ago
  Decision to move away from your parent permanently. By the time you are in your late 20s/ early 30s, you need to decide where you would settle down. Your parent is in their late 50s, they aren’t moving anywhere and still be happy. So you have to make a choice to either live near them or not.
  - deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
  - flangola7 4y ago
    Who says you need to settle down in one location? My parents haven't lived in any time zone more than five or six years.
    - barbazoo 4y ago
      If you have kids there's their education and social lives to consider as well. That might be a reason not people to settle down.
    - peoplefromibiza 4y ago
      > Who says you need to settle down in one location? your family, if you have one. You can't move around kids the same way you do with your backpack. Also: aging parents and family relatives that matter to you, you don't want to be 14 hours by plane away if something happens to them. disclaimer: I don't have kids, but may nephews
      - flangola7 4y ago
        > your family, if you have one. > You can't move around kids the same way you do with your backpack. As you may have noticed, I exist . By the time I was 18 I had lived in five countries across three different continents. I consider myself blessed to now have long childhood friends from all over the world, and familiarity with a variety of mindsets, languages, and cultures. > Also: aging parents and family relatives that matter to you, you don't want to be 14 hours by plane away if something happens to them. There are durable social apparatuses that do not hinge on close blood relations for the elderly to be supported.
birdyrooster 4y ago
Indeed it has been insanely expensive to relocate my parents to the bay area from the midwest, but worth it.
throwaway2037 4y ago
Hmm... The article was well written, but this should have been the (sub-)title. As soon as I read that line, my emotional car went over the cliff. Up until that point, it felt like a real, emotional journey... but I felt cheated after reading that sentence. The author should move to Amsterdam; it sounds much better than San Francisco. The author can find insanely well-paid work at a hedge fund building reinforcement learning models.
dikei 4y ago
This is so important especially if your parents is old: I once turned down a very good job offer because it required relocating to another country, but I didn't want to leave my dad all alone in his 70s.
dkqmduems 4y ago
I'm glad had a chance to think about this question and figure out the riddle before choosing a pseudo permanent location. For those analytical types, please weight this appropriately in your optimization.

"my partner and I grew up in the Bay Area, and have parents who live nearby. " yeup. nobody talks about this but its one of the most important things you will ever have to decide in life.

sva_ 4y ago

Decisions such as what kind of parents birth you?

mensetmanusman 4y ago
If you want kids, having parents nearby can be the difference between sanity and insanity.
- cmrdporcupine 4y ago
  Can corroborate. And once you have kids in school and a career in one location, it's not going to be trivial to move around. Moved away from family, for work in my 20s, ended up with wife and family. But now even with remote work and the ability for me to work anywhere I want, and a kid with health issues and family could help... moving back to where my parents are (now in their late 70s) isn't a simple option. Means pulling kids from school and friends, wife from my in-laws, it's a whole thing. Think carefully how you start your career in your 20s.
  - blobbers 4y ago
    Yes. Silicon Valley is a trap. You can’t afford to have parents nearby unless they already are (as these folks have) Everything related to families is a cash grab and a SFH in Palo Alto, Peninsula or Cupertino means throwing any hope of early financial freedom. A FAANG job will pay more but for how you can live almost anywhere else in the country, a remote job at 2/3 the salary is much much better.
- nmfisher 4y ago
  My wife and I live in an entirely different country from both our parents. Our first was born early last year, and my mother-in-law only just got a chance to come and help out for a few weeks. Having family around to help take care of the kids makes a HUGE difference (and not just financially), particularly with two working parents. It's obviously doable without it, but if you have the option, I would strongly advise at least considering moving somewhere close to family who can help out.
NhanH 4y ago
Decision to move away from your parent permanently. By the time you are in your late 20s/ early 30s, you need to decide where you would settle down. Your parent is in their late 50s, they aren’t moving anywhere and still be happy. So you have to make a choice to either live near them or not.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
- flangola7 4y ago
  Who says you need to settle down in one location? My parents haven't lived in any time zone more than five or six years.
  - barbazoo 4y ago
    If you have kids there's their education and social lives to consider as well. That might be a reason not people to settle down.
  - peoplefromibiza 4y ago
    > Who says you need to settle down in one location? your family, if you have one. You can't move around kids the same way you do with your backpack. Also: aging parents and family relatives that matter to you, you don't want to be 14 hours by plane away if something happens to them. disclaimer: I don't have kids, but may nephews
    - flangola7 4y ago
      > your family, if you have one. > You can't move around kids the same way you do with your backpack. As you may have noticed, I exist . By the time I was 18 I had lived in five countries across three different continents. I consider myself blessed to now have long childhood friends from all over the world, and familiarity with a variety of mindsets, languages, and cultures. > Also: aging parents and family relatives that matter to you, you don't want to be 14 hours by plane away if something happens to them. There are durable social apparatuses that do not hinge on close blood relations for the elderly to be supported.

birdyrooster 4y ago

Indeed it has been insanely expensive to relocate my parents to the bay area from the midwest, but worth it.

throwaway2037 4y ago

Hmm... The article was well written, but this should have been the (sub-)title. As soon as I read that line, my emotional car went over the cliff. Up until that point, it felt like a real, emotional journey... but I felt cheated after reading that sentence. The author should move to Amsterdam; it sounds much better than San Francisco. The author can find insanely well-paid work at a hedge fund building reinforcement learning models.

dikei 4y ago

This is so important especially if your parents is old: I once turned down a very good job offer because it required relocating to another country, but I didn't want to leave my dad all alone in his 70s.

dkqmduems 4y ago

I'm glad had a chance to think about this question and figure out the riddle before choosing a pseudo permanent location. For those analytical types, please weight this appropriately in your optimization.