I don't think you are experiencing envy. I was also thinking about envy today, because we were reading the Torah portion where 10 Commandments were given and e

I don't think you are experiencing envy. I was also thinking about envy today, because we were reading the Torah portion where 10 Commandments were given and envy is the subject of at least one of them. It struck me that envy is given the same treatment as adultery, murder,idolatry, etc. Why? Because real envy is a mind killer. You so resent what someone has that your mind doesn't turn to consider how you can get it for yourself, or why you may not be able to. In your case it sounds like you've considered it, understood that you could do it but also have reasons not to. That sounds very rational to me, while envy paralyzes you and you become blind to what your actual capacity and options are - it becomes all about the other person.