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For one thing, the friendships were actually closer and longer lasting at the small colleges, suggesting that there is nothing intrinsically beneficial about se
by j_baker 15y ago
For one thing, the friendships were actually closer and longer lasting at the small colleges, suggesting that there is nothing intrinsically beneficial about seeking out similar people. (Opposites don’t attract, but they should.)
This is worth noting for anyone networking or doing hiring. You have to make a conscious effort to find people who balance you out instead of finding people who are just like you. Many of the most rewarding relationships I've had have been with people who think in ways that are diametrically opposed to mine.
The above noted, you have to make sure that this interaction goes both ways. Some people just can't handle relationships with people who are different from them, and possibly for good reason. They're usually high-challenge, high-reward affairs.
- wallflower 15y ago> They're usually high-challenge, high-reward affairs. I find that if you go somewhere with just the goal of remembering someone and having them remember you, not the first time but maybe the second or third time, it works well for me, even if that is not my goal. I don't hang out with a small group of people on a regular basis (core friends) but I do know a lot of people casually. Everyone probably remembers the person who meets you just to thrust a business card into your hand. And everyone remembers the person who they could not get rid of. Strive to be the person who brings people together. I have met a few who do that not effortlessly, but naturally. The good thing about talking to people not like you, is almost always you can learn something new. Remember even the most logical person has feelings. So, in a roundabout way, my conclusion is there are no true opposites. We are all human. We feel anger sadness disgust happiness joy love anxiety calm.
- bh42222 15y agoI thought the the claim that people seek out similarity was very well supported in the article. The claim that different people make better friends was interesting, but in my opinion not nearly as well supported. I would genuinely love to see more hard data behind that claim.
- rockarage 15y agoI agree, there was no data presented to suggest that the students in the smaller colleges were not very similar. Moreover it is more likely that the students in the small colleges are very similar, typically people won't travel to another state to attend a small community college.
- j_baker 15y agoI think the author's point still stands: there's little evidence to support that similarity seeking is beneficial, and some evidence that it might even be harmful.