4 ms·

As someone who was born and raised in the West, I think it's a little bit more than just valuing independence. It's pretty common to see the older generation t

As someone who was born and raised in the West, I think it's a little bit more than just valuing independence. It's pretty common to see the older generation torpedo the relationship with their adult children by basically just abandoning them to work out the early stages of adulthood and marriage on their own. Then, 20 years later when they're lonely and riddled with health problems, they come crawling back and wonder why their children don't want anything to do with them.

romeros 4y ago
That is part of western culture. From the east, we see it as valuing independence. In the East, parents sacrifice pretty much everything for their kids. They watch over them and will do anything i.e selling their homes/draining retirement accounts or working extra hard so the kids can go to really good schools, have downpayment for their first homes etc. Here what is valued is community. But as the society keeps evolving things are changing in the East as well. We are slowly becoming westernized as well. There is nothing wrong with either approach. It depends on which culture you are born and brought up in.
- solarmist 4y ago
  I think what OP was referring to is the lack of compassion and empathy when the children move out. It’s often poorly done; permanently damaging the relationship between parents and children. It’s like a switch flips. You’re independent now so magically you can handle all that entails. Don’t ask me, figure it out yourself.
smusamashah 4y ago
We do hear about parents kicking out their kids when they are 18. I use to think it's true, then later realized that no parent would do that and that's a misconception. They are raised with the idea that when they are adult, they should move out and live own their own. They don't really have to, but that's the culture part. If they don't, it will be something to be ashamed of I guess. But what you are saying here is that kicking out actually happens. If kids don't move out, the parents will force them to. Are kids raised as a fixed 18 year job? That's weird if true.
- AussieWog93 4y ago
  It's not common over here to actually kick kids out once they turn 18, but it is common for parents to feel they no longer have any responsibility for the wellbeing of their adult cildren once they're able to physically/financially fend for themselves. I guess my point was that the big 20+ year break in responsibility, which is initiated by the parents, will turn around and bite them in the arse when they themselves become dependent on their children.

romeros 4y ago

That is part of western culture. From the east, we see it as valuing independence. In the East, parents sacrifice pretty much everything for their kids. They watch over them and will do anything i.e selling their homes/draining retirement accounts or working extra hard so the kids can go to really good schools, have downpayment for their first homes etc. Here what is valued is community. But as the society keeps evolving things are changing in the East as well. We are slowly becoming westernized as well. There is nothing wrong with either approach. It depends on which culture you are born and brought up in.

solarmist 4y ago
I think what OP was referring to is the lack of compassion and empathy when the children move out. It’s often poorly done; permanently damaging the relationship between parents and children. It’s like a switch flips. You’re independent now so magically you can handle all that entails. Don’t ask me, figure it out yourself.

smusamashah 4y ago

We do hear about parents kicking out their kids when they are 18. I use to think it's true, then later realized that no parent would do that and that's a misconception. They are raised with the idea that when they are adult, they should move out and live own their own. They don't really have to, but that's the culture part. If they don't, it will be something to be ashamed of I guess. But what you are saying here is that kicking out actually happens. If kids don't move out, the parents will force them to. Are kids raised as a fixed 18 year job? That's weird if true.

AussieWog93 4y ago
It's not common over here to actually kick kids out once they turn 18, but it is common for parents to feel they no longer have any responsibility for the wellbeing of their adult cildren once they're able to physically/financially fend for themselves. I guess my point was that the big 20+ year break in responsibility, which is initiated by the parents, will turn around and bite them in the arse when they themselves become dependent on their children.