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idk that you should be fully putting this on your dad as if his was an unreasonable desire. It's a cruel fact that under our system, a lack of money means a lac

idk that you should be fully putting this on your dad as if his was an unreasonable desire. It's a cruel fact that under our system, a lack of money means a lack of agency. Once you're out of money, the state options have massive cracks to fall through. The way I understand it (pre-hospice) - once he ran out of the ability to pay for help and couldn't keep up a facade of "full time care" himself, the state's answer would have been to ship her off to a nursing home regardless of what they both wanted. And FWIW selling a $30k car will cover like two months of part-time care.

gwbas1c 4y ago
My mom only had a few days to live. Her digestive system stopped working. He was being quite irrational about it, because the longest people live in that state is 3 weeks. (A lot of people are irrational in similar situations.) And a brand new Lexus sells for much more than $30k.
- mindslight 4y ago
  Sorry, I had missed the part where it was definitely your mom's last days. My own mom was deathly scared of my dad passing and her not having enough money to pay for years at a private nursing home, having seen the (lack of) care patients get at the ones the state pays for. She ended up passing before my dad, who I then had to push into spending money to take care of himself because he had become so used to scrimping for her. So my general point is that someone not wanting to have their own financial situation severely destroyed by long term care of an ailing spouse isn't categorically unreasonable. And as far as the next generation - you can either accept that medical vultures will devour your parents' estate and you'll get nothing, or you can step up and take responsibility for their care when the time comes, and perhaps inherit something. Your parent's quality of life will generally be much better if you do step up, but it's not the kind of job that can just be outsourced as we've become accustomed to with everything else these days. (and obviously this advice is modulo one's specific relationship with their parents) I'm sorry for your loss, and hope things are going alright between you and your dad.
  - gwbas1c 4y ago
    Thanks. Things are going fine between us. I do have half of his genes, so I can understand what was going through his head. He's started to realize he can't take it with him.

gwbas1c 4y ago

My mom only had a few days to live. Her digestive system stopped working. He was being quite irrational about it, because the longest people live in that state is 3 weeks. (A lot of people are irrational in similar situations.) And a brand new Lexus sells for much more than $30k.

mindslight 4y ago
Sorry, I had missed the part where it was definitely your mom's last days. My own mom was deathly scared of my dad passing and her not having enough money to pay for years at a private nursing home, having seen the (lack of) care patients get at the ones the state pays for. She ended up passing before my dad, who I then had to push into spending money to take care of himself because he had become so used to scrimping for her. So my general point is that someone not wanting to have their own financial situation severely destroyed by long term care of an ailing spouse isn't categorically unreasonable. And as far as the next generation - you can either accept that medical vultures will devour your parents' estate and you'll get nothing, or you can step up and take responsibility for their care when the time comes, and perhaps inherit something. Your parent's quality of life will generally be much better if you do step up, but it's not the kind of job that can just be outsourced as we've become accustomed to with everything else these days. (and obviously this advice is modulo one's specific relationship with their parents) I'm sorry for your loss, and hope things are going alright between you and your dad.
- gwbas1c 4y ago
  Thanks. Things are going fine between us. I do have half of his genes, so I can understand what was going through his head. He's started to realize he can't take it with him.