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I don't trust a 21 year old to know if they've found a good spouse. I don't trust anyone to know if they've found a good spouse which is why I'd tell everyone,

I don't trust a 21 year old to know if they've found a good spouse. I don't trust anyone to know if they've found a good spouse which is why I'd tell everyone, male or female, to have a career they can fall back to if something happens to their marriage. It might not just be a bad spouse, it might be a spouse who dies young and then a woman with multiple kids and a 10 year old vet tech degree has to figure out how on earth she's going to support herself. Life insurance only lasts so long. I'm old enough to have seen a lot of young happy couples turn into divorced bitter singles and I can't speak to the average experience but in my circle, the women end up screwed. They've got the kids, ( the ex wanted nothing to do with the kids ) they've got no income ( the ex either has no money or is fighting tooth and nail to avoid sending any money ) and they are living off of parents, friends, and social services trying to find some job they can do part time ( no daycare ) that has a hope of supporting them. Some of these women stayed in bad circumstances for a long time because they knew how hard it would be to manage without their spouse. Some women are still in terrible circumstances because they can't afford to leave. > some of them were 38+ and saying they're thinking about having kids soon; there's like a 25% chance that ship has already sailed, 25% is nonsense.

shard 4y ago
>> some of them were 38+ and saying they're thinking about having kids soon; there's like a 25% chance that ship has already sailed, > 25% is nonsense. Yes, I think it's worse than that. "A woman in her early to mid-20s has a 25–30% chance of getting pregnant every month. Fertility generally starts to reduce when a woman is in her early 30s, and more so after the age of 35. By age 40, the chance of getting pregnant in any monthly cycle is around 5%." (https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/age-and-fertility#womens-age-and-fertility https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtrea...)
lmm 4y ago
> I'm old enough to have seen a lot of young happy couples turn into divorced bitter singles and I can't speak to the average experience but in my circle, the women end up screwed. They've got the kids, ( the ex wanted nothing to do with the kids ) they've got no income ( the ex either has no money or is fighting tooth and nail to avoid sending any money ) and they are living off of parents, friends, and social services trying to find some job they can do part time ( no daycare ) that has a hope of supporting them. Are they better or worse than the lonely 40+ women who have careers and money but no hope of a partner or family?
ndriscoll 4y ago
That doesn't really contradict what I said; having a family is a risky endeavor that requires a lot of trust. For some people, that's their life's ambition. If someone wants to have a large family (e.g. 5-6 kids), they're going to need to get started in their early 20s, and they're going to have to find someone they can trust because they're pretty much going to need to devote themselves to that. Or if they hope to see their grandkids' college graduation, assuming their kids have kids at the same age, the chances of that happening start dropping pretty quickly after your mid 20s. It sounds like that person is ambitious and intelligent so presumably she found someone compatible with her goals, and hopefully that will work out. I'm any case, having family be your top priority doesn't mean you're short-sighted. She's just willing to take a risk for the life she wants. Fertility stats are easy enough to look up, and like actuarial stats, they're always unfortunate to look at. IVF can help, but it's expensive and also not a very high success rate by late 30s.

shard 4y ago

>> some of them were 38+ and saying they're thinking about having kids soon; there's like a 25% chance that ship has already sailed, > 25% is nonsense. Yes, I think it's worse than that. "A woman in her early to mid-20s has a 25–30% chance of getting pregnant every month. Fertility generally starts to reduce when a woman is in her early 30s, and more so after the age of 35. By age 40, the chance of getting pregnant in any monthly cycle is around 5%." (https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/age-and-fertility#womens-age-and-fertility https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtrea...)

lmm 4y ago

> I'm old enough to have seen a lot of young happy couples turn into divorced bitter singles and I can't speak to the average experience but in my circle, the women end up screwed. They've got the kids, ( the ex wanted nothing to do with the kids ) they've got no income ( the ex either has no money or is fighting tooth and nail to avoid sending any money ) and they are living off of parents, friends, and social services trying to find some job they can do part time ( no daycare ) that has a hope of supporting them. Are they better or worse than the lonely 40+ women who have careers and money but no hope of a partner or family?

ndriscoll 4y ago

That doesn't really contradict what I said; having a family is a risky endeavor that requires a lot of trust. For some people, that's their life's ambition. If someone wants to have a large family (e.g. 5-6 kids), they're going to need to get started in their early 20s, and they're going to have to find someone they can trust because they're pretty much going to need to devote themselves to that. Or if they hope to see their grandkids' college graduation, assuming their kids have kids at the same age, the chances of that happening start dropping pretty quickly after your mid 20s. It sounds like that person is ambitious and intelligent so presumably she found someone compatible with her goals, and hopefully that will work out. I'm any case, having family be your top priority doesn't mean you're short-sighted. She's just willing to take a risk for the life she wants. Fertility stats are easy enough to look up, and like actuarial stats, they're always unfortunate to look at. IVF can help, but it's expensive and also not a very high success rate by late 30s.