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I do live close to a small, walkable downtown that has a few restaurants, bars, and boutiques. That said, I've been spending 3-4 hours each day at one of the se

I do live close to a small, walkable downtown that has a few restaurants, bars, and boutiques. That said, I've been spending 3-4 hours each day at one of the several cafes here, and other than the baristas and the local homeless I get food for, I haven't become acquainted with anyone. Most of the customers are big family groups, groups of young Korean/Indian men hanging out, teenagers doing homework, and stay-at-home moms with toddlers. Usually packed with customers, especially in the evenings, but not really social environments. I suspect neighborhood cafes in typical small towns are similar.

brailsafe 4y ago
Ya it really depends on who's around, and what other stuff is going on. All of my grocery shopping is done within about a 10min walk from me, gym is 5mins, parks 2mins, cafes are all around. I met a husband and wife at the gym that sits at the mid point of distance between where we live. We just happened to independantly start chatting one day after probably seeing each other there for months. They're nearing 50 and I'm 31. I'm thankful to have been invited over for dinner once or twice, and helped her with her computer. You never know what will happen, sometimes nothing, but by getting out there and being present in a few places, ideally welcoming but not too eager, it's a better place to be than not. One thing I forgot to add earlier is that (I think) it really helps to spend time somewhere around others for no particular reason (hanging out). I wouldn't expect someone to come over and chat if I'm on my laptop with headphones on. But if I'm just sitting there with a coffee not doing anything specific? Maybe I chat with someone nearby if they're doing similar. Same thing at the public fitness bars in the park. Ya I'm there to workout I guess, but really I'm there to enjoy life, and have got to meet a few of the familiar faces around. The magic of moving somewhere new is that you unseat yourself, and you have to go and find some new places to be. It's also the tricky bit of working remotely or at all, because at least for me I tend to sit in front of my computer most of the day. Best to spend at least a few months totally unemployed as crazy as that sounds.
- legerdemain 4y ago
  Spent the entire last year voluntarily unemployed and being friendly and open in a cafe throughout the day, based on the same reasoning as yours. Putting any more time into this seems like a waste of life.
  - brailsafe 4y ago
    That doesn't really counter what I said, it just means that specifically didn't work out for you. People in my hometown are rather insular, that's partly why I don't live there. Good to try some new ideas.
    - legerdemain 4y ago
      I mean, yes, but I am the only person that I care about in this instance. The fact that I am who it didn't work out for is what matters to me. I'm not a sociologist. I've been doing the cafe thing all throughout my adult life in three different US states, and I've honestly never seen organic socializing happen that way (apart from some unfortunate incidents with creeps and cranks). Maybe there's some environment where you've seen it work, but I have tried and never succeeded.

brailsafe 4y ago

Ya it really depends on who's around, and what other stuff is going on. All of my grocery shopping is done within about a 10min walk from me, gym is 5mins, parks 2mins, cafes are all around. I met a husband and wife at the gym that sits at the mid point of distance between where we live. We just happened to independantly start chatting one day after probably seeing each other there for months. They're nearing 50 and I'm 31. I'm thankful to have been invited over for dinner once or twice, and helped her with her computer. You never know what will happen, sometimes nothing, but by getting out there and being present in a few places, ideally welcoming but not too eager, it's a better place to be than not. One thing I forgot to add earlier is that (I think) it really helps to spend time somewhere around others for no particular reason (hanging out). I wouldn't expect someone to come over and chat if I'm on my laptop with headphones on. But if I'm just sitting there with a coffee not doing anything specific? Maybe I chat with someone nearby if they're doing similar. Same thing at the public fitness bars in the park. Ya I'm there to workout I guess, but really I'm there to enjoy life, and have got to meet a few of the familiar faces around. The magic of moving somewhere new is that you unseat yourself, and you have to go and find some new places to be. It's also the tricky bit of working remotely or at all, because at least for me I tend to sit in front of my computer most of the day. Best to spend at least a few months totally unemployed as crazy as that sounds.

legerdemain 4y ago
Spent the entire last year voluntarily unemployed and being friendly and open in a cafe throughout the day, based on the same reasoning as yours. Putting any more time into this seems like a waste of life.
- brailsafe 4y ago
  That doesn't really counter what I said, it just means that specifically didn't work out for you. People in my hometown are rather insular, that's partly why I don't live there. Good to try some new ideas.
  - legerdemain 4y ago
    I mean, yes, but I am the only person that I care about in this instance. The fact that I am who it didn't work out for is what matters to me. I'm not a sociologist. I've been doing the cafe thing all throughout my adult life in three different US states, and I've honestly never seen organic socializing happen that way (apart from some unfortunate incidents with creeps and cranks). Maybe there's some environment where you've seen it work, but I have tried and never succeeded.