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Sure, yeah, I don't think I've made any non-work friends while living here. And even that is like 2-3 people in 10 years of trying. I guess I could blow up my

Sure, yeah, I don't think I've made any non-work friends while living here. And even that is like 2-3 people in 10 years of trying. I guess I could blow up my life here and just start completely over somewhere else, but I'm kind of afraid that it won't be any different wherever I end up moving to, given my age.

brailsafe 4y ago
Well, you might be right. It does all depend on circumstances, what you've got set up for you, what you like to do on a regular basis, etc.. I just think it's not beneficial to be more isolated physically, and there's other places and ways to improve that. If I were forced to move back home to the city of ~700k, I'd simply only select a few of the neighborhoods where I'd be likely to bump into people, or get to chatting with someone at the gym or whatever. Making new friends is still hard and takes work and luck, but positioning yourself to make that hard process more enjoyable is something I think a lot of people can benefit from. Williamsburg and Silicon Valley are extremes of particular personalities and age groups I'd think, but even within that you're going to have some people who are roughly a similar older age with similar interests. Edit: I'd expand on this idea a little. Making and keeping friends is hard, and is the result of circumstance, discovery. Some things help. A frequent interval of being around some of the same people for some time increases the likelihood you'll get to recognize them and discover if you have chemistry or any piece of common group. That's why work is most people's default, but it's a dangerous default. School is a better model, you're paying to be there and there's plenty to talk about. When I visit friends in the suburbs, it's always fine, I'm happy to see them, but it's very much a druve to and from or transit to and from kind of thing. Some people like that, they like that, but it's not as much my vibe. Moving somewhere medium dense and walkable, in your own small town or otherwise, won't necessarily mean your life blows up for the good or bad, but it has the potential to change your opportunities, or those of your kids, in my opinion.
- legerdemain 4y ago
  I do live close to a small, walkable downtown that has a few restaurants, bars, and boutiques. That said, I've been spending 3-4 hours each day at one of the several cafes here, and other than the baristas and the local homeless I get food for, I haven't become acquainted with anyone. Most of the customers are big family groups, groups of young Korean/Indian men hanging out, teenagers doing homework, and stay-at-home moms with toddlers. Usually packed with customers, especially in the evenings, but not really social environments. I suspect neighborhood cafes in typical small towns are similar.
  - brailsafe 4y ago
    Ya it really depends on who's around, and what other stuff is going on. All of my grocery shopping is done within about a 10min walk from me, gym is 5mins, parks 2mins, cafes are all around. I met a husband and wife at the gym that sits at the mid point of distance between where we live. We just happened to independantly start chatting one day after probably seeing each other there for months. They're nearing 50 and I'm 31. I'm thankful to have been invited over for dinner once or twice, and helped her with her computer. You never know what will happen, sometimes nothing, but by getting out there and being present in a few places, ideally welcoming but not too eager, it's a better place to be than not. One thing I forgot to add earlier is that (I think) it really helps to spend time somewhere around others for no particular reason (hanging out). I wouldn't expect someone to come over and chat if I'm on my laptop with headphones on. But if I'm just sitting there with a coffee not doing anything specific? Maybe I chat with someone nearby if they're doing similar. Same thing at the public fitness bars in the park. Ya I'm there to workout I guess, but really I'm there to enjoy life, and have got to meet a few of the familiar faces around. The magic of moving somewhere new is that you unseat yourself, and you have to go and find some new places to be. It's also the tricky bit of working remotely or at all, because at least for me I tend to sit in front of my computer most of the day. Best to spend at least a few months totally unemployed as crazy as that sounds.
    - legerdemain 4y ago
      Spent the entire last year voluntarily unemployed and being friendly and open in a cafe throughout the day, based on the same reasoning as yours. Putting any more time into this seems like a waste of life.
      - brailsafe 4y ago
        That doesn't really counter what I said, it just means that specifically didn't work out for you. People in my hometown are rather insular, that's partly why I don't live there. Good to try some new ideas.
        4y ago

brailsafe 4y ago

Well, you might be right. It does all depend on circumstances, what you've got set up for you, what you like to do on a regular basis, etc.. I just think it's not beneficial to be more isolated physically, and there's other places and ways to improve that. If I were forced to move back home to the city of ~700k, I'd simply only select a few of the neighborhoods where I'd be likely to bump into people, or get to chatting with someone at the gym or whatever. Making new friends is still hard and takes work and luck, but positioning yourself to make that hard process more enjoyable is something I think a lot of people can benefit from. Williamsburg and Silicon Valley are extremes of particular personalities and age groups I'd think, but even within that you're going to have some people who are roughly a similar older age with similar interests. Edit: I'd expand on this idea a little. Making and keeping friends is hard, and is the result of circumstance, discovery. Some things help. A frequent interval of being around some of the same people for some time increases the likelihood you'll get to recognize them and discover if you have chemistry or any piece of common group. That's why work is most people's default, but it's a dangerous default. School is a better model, you're paying to be there and there's plenty to talk about. When I visit friends in the suburbs, it's always fine, I'm happy to see them, but it's very much a druve to and from or transit to and from kind of thing. Some people like that, they like that, but it's not as much my vibe. Moving somewhere medium dense and walkable, in your own small town or otherwise, won't necessarily mean your life blows up for the good or bad, but it has the potential to change your opportunities, or those of your kids, in my opinion.

legerdemain 4y ago
I do live close to a small, walkable downtown that has a few restaurants, bars, and boutiques. That said, I've been spending 3-4 hours each day at one of the several cafes here, and other than the baristas and the local homeless I get food for, I haven't become acquainted with anyone. Most of the customers are big family groups, groups of young Korean/Indian men hanging out, teenagers doing homework, and stay-at-home moms with toddlers. Usually packed with customers, especially in the evenings, but not really social environments. I suspect neighborhood cafes in typical small towns are similar.
- brailsafe 4y ago
  Ya it really depends on who's around, and what other stuff is going on. All of my grocery shopping is done within about a 10min walk from me, gym is 5mins, parks 2mins, cafes are all around. I met a husband and wife at the gym that sits at the mid point of distance between where we live. We just happened to independantly start chatting one day after probably seeing each other there for months. They're nearing 50 and I'm 31. I'm thankful to have been invited over for dinner once or twice, and helped her with her computer. You never know what will happen, sometimes nothing, but by getting out there and being present in a few places, ideally welcoming but not too eager, it's a better place to be than not. One thing I forgot to add earlier is that (I think) it really helps to spend time somewhere around others for no particular reason (hanging out). I wouldn't expect someone to come over and chat if I'm on my laptop with headphones on. But if I'm just sitting there with a coffee not doing anything specific? Maybe I chat with someone nearby if they're doing similar. Same thing at the public fitness bars in the park. Ya I'm there to workout I guess, but really I'm there to enjoy life, and have got to meet a few of the familiar faces around. The magic of moving somewhere new is that you unseat yourself, and you have to go and find some new places to be. It's also the tricky bit of working remotely or at all, because at least for me I tend to sit in front of my computer most of the day. Best to spend at least a few months totally unemployed as crazy as that sounds.
  - legerdemain 4y ago
    Spent the entire last year voluntarily unemployed and being friendly and open in a cafe throughout the day, based on the same reasoning as yours. Putting any more time into this seems like a waste of life.
    - brailsafe 4y ago
      That doesn't really counter what I said, it just means that specifically didn't work out for you. People in my hometown are rather insular, that's partly why I don't live there. Good to try some new ideas.
      - 4y ago