From a previously freaked out expectant dad with a now-thriving 13 year old daughter, this is the concise manual: Show up. Talk to other dads. This is not gli

From a previously freaked out expectant dad with a now-thriving 13 year old daughter, this is the concise manual: Show up. Talk to other dads. This is not glib. If you show up, you'll know what to do most of the time, and if you're nervous or stumped, talk to the other dads. A few examples of showing up in my daughter's first week after being born: My daughter experienced decels during labor. That's the heart rate varying. Meconium was expelled, so they assumed without confirming she had suffered meconium aspiration. APGAR 2 at birth, 7 at the next check. She was born blue and floppy. First show up: the NICU team took my daughter away to intubate her. My wife looked at me, puzzled, I smiled and gave her a thumbs up. I knew my wife still had to deliver the placenta and that was another hazard she had to navigate. Point is, I was there and I knew what to do. I later apologized to my wife for lying to her in that moment; she understood. Next show up: we finally can see our daughter in the NICU. The doctors are all talking about brain damage and meconium aspiration. My wife and I standing on either side of the warming bed, I sang my daughter's 'womb song', You are my Sunshine. Daughter looked in my direction. My wife read some lines from Hand Hand Fingers Thumb, her chosen womb book. Daughter looked at my wife. We knew she was ok. Of course my daughter could barely see at that point, but we knew that confirmed hearing and motor function, and assumed cognitive function was also ok. Next show up: The NICU was not set up to support breast feeding. My wife was set on doing this. The bullies with Dr. badges threatened to contact CPS if my wife was unable to feed our child, and also, provided not one single form of breast feeding assistance. I say "bullies" because they actually were hostile in their presentation, not politely spelling out boundaries like a professional. (Key info on breast feeding, compress the breast into an oval shape that matches the child's mouth) So I ran to whole foods to get some formula my wife found marginally acceptable as a backstop to keep the doctor's at bay. Next show up: NICU doctors said my wife could attempt breast feeding for 30 minutes every 2 hours because the activity threatened my daughter's life. Yes, attempting to provide nourishment is somehow life-threatening. I rented a hotel room across the street and did this cycle of showing up at the NICU every 2 hours with my wife, and we slept for about 45 minutes in between. We did that for 2 days straight, at which point my wife had finally been able to get daughter to latch and was feeding her on a more regular schedule. Next show up: After daughter improving for 5 days in the NICU I'm at work and get the call she is on the decline due to reduced urine output. I contact our social worker at the hospital and told her I thought it was a load of crap and my daughter was fine. She suggested a meeting with the Attending Physician and the Charge Nurse. In the meeting, I waste no time, I ask how they determined her urine output was insufficient. They said they charted the weight of her diapers. I asked how big her variance was. About 60g too low. The Charge Nurse steps out of the meeting at that point. I ask, how much does a wet diaper weigh on average? About 60g. The Charge Nurse returns and says there was a gap in the chart, and one of her nurses had failed to record one of the diapers at a particular interval, and the nurse said her recollection was it was within spec. So yeah, you may ask, how did I know how to navigate the adverse first week of my daughter's life? I just knew what to do. But the only reason I had a chance to know what to do was because I was there in the first place. I know we were lucky to get my daughter out of there in a short period of time and there were parents who had their child in the NICU for months who had a much harder road. They continued to show up too.