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"Think before you speak" is always good advice. The "confidence of the mind" referred above does not mean that you should shit out everything that pops in your

by pbsd 15y ago

"Think before you speak" is always good advice. The "confidence of the mind" referred above does not mean that you should shit out everything that pops in your head.

ScottBurson 15y ago
Ah, but the question is, are you saying something stupid, or something actually quite intelligent that other people just don't want to hear? The latter tends to attract even more hostility than the former.
- aGHz 15y ago
  And neither have anything to do with shyness. "Think before you speak" is still very important advice, and then if you prefer to not raise hostility, do it because you chose so not because of shyness.
sp332 15y ago
"Think before you speak" makes it very difficult to hold a normal conversation. Of course I'm not anti-thinking but it's very difficult to express yourself (in most media, but especially talking) if you hesitate constantly. If you're having trouble speaking well, the solution probably isn't to speak slower, but to learn over time how to speak better at-speed.
- potatolicious 15y ago
  > "Of course I'm not anti-thinking but it's very difficult to express yourself (in most media, but especially talking) if you hesitate constantly." I vehemently disagree - some of my most respected people in life pause frequently while speaking, and will directly ask for a moment when questioned about something, to collect their thoughts. I give these people's words incredible weight in my life not just because I respect them as people, but knowing that what they're telling me is well considered instead of knee-jerk. I think the social expectation of having an answer at the drop of a hat on anything is pretty unfortunate, and makes us all a little bit dumber.
  - brendan10211 15y ago
    That's why I like to type my responses, because they don't see it anyway until I press enter or whatever.
  - sp332 15y ago
    > having an answer at the drop of a hat on anything I don't mean in a debate, or even being asked a question. I just mean having a conversation, small talk etc.
zak_mc_kracken 15y ago
> "Think before you speak" is always good advice. It certainly depends on the age and the personality of the receiver. It's a terrible advice to give to a kid or a teenager, or to someone who is trying to overcome their lack of confidence. "Think before you give an answer" is a much more sensitive and universal advice.

by pbsd 15y ago

"Think before you speak" is always good advice. The "confidence of the mind" referred above does not mean that you should shit out everything that pops in your head.

ScottBurson 15y ago

Ah, but the question is, are you saying something stupid, or something actually quite intelligent that other people just don't want to hear? The latter tends to attract even more hostility than the former.

aGHz 15y ago
And neither have anything to do with shyness. "Think before you speak" is still very important advice, and then if you prefer to not raise hostility, do it because you chose so not because of shyness.

sp332 15y ago

"Think before you speak" makes it very difficult to hold a normal conversation. Of course I'm not anti-thinking but it's very difficult to express yourself (in most media, but especially talking) if you hesitate constantly. If you're having trouble speaking well, the solution probably isn't to speak slower, but to learn over time how to speak better at-speed.

potatolicious 15y ago
> "Of course I'm not anti-thinking but it's very difficult to express yourself (in most media, but especially talking) if you hesitate constantly." I vehemently disagree - some of my most respected people in life pause frequently while speaking, and will directly ask for a moment when questioned about something, to collect their thoughts. I give these people's words incredible weight in my life not just because I respect them as people, but knowing that what they're telling me is well considered instead of knee-jerk. I think the social expectation of having an answer at the drop of a hat on anything is pretty unfortunate, and makes us all a little bit dumber.
- brendan10211 15y ago
  That's why I like to type my responses, because they don't see it anyway until I press enter or whatever.
- sp332 15y ago
  > having an answer at the drop of a hat on anything I don't mean in a debate, or even being asked a question. I just mean having a conversation, small talk etc.

zak_mc_kracken 15y ago

> "Think before you speak" is always good advice. It certainly depends on the age and the personality of the receiver. It's a terrible advice to give to a kid or a teenager, or to someone who is trying to overcome their lack of confidence. "Think before you give an answer" is a much more sensitive and universal advice.