5 ms·

I think I'd actually have better luck with this advice in my "suburban wasteland birthplace" than where I live now, where I moved for my job, which is Silicon V

I think I'd actually have better luck with this advice in my "suburban wasteland birthplace" than where I live now, where I moved for my job, which is Silicon Valley. Silicon Valley is a wasteland like no other I've seen. Second, this advice is being offered without caveats or reservations, whereas it really only makes sense in Brooklyn and places that resemble it closely in density, walkability, and affluence.

ajoseps 4y ago
silicon valley is a massive suburb, and i guess you can argue it’s a suburban wasteland as well
brailsafe 4y ago
I've never properly visited, but I haven't heard good things, and silicon valley just doesn't interest me in any way. I guess my point was that advice for making and keeping new friends depends on their being a decent pool of people around, and if you don't have that, solve that problem first, unless you're ok with where you live for whatever reason. Because I do have friends back home in suburban Canada, and they are struggling to expand their friend group outside of work, going into their 30s. My advice to them is to try and increase the frequency with which you're likely ot meet people in a common setting that you like to spend time in, and the city itself does not facilitate that in any meaningful way. So the first step is to move somewhere more conducive to that.
- legerdemain 4y ago
  Sure, yeah, I don't think I've made any non-work friends while living here. And even that is like 2-3 people in 10 years of trying. I guess I could blow up my life here and just start completely over somewhere else, but I'm kind of afraid that it won't be any different wherever I end up moving to, given my age.
  - brailsafe 4y ago
    Well, you might be right. It does all depend on circumstances, what you've got set up for you, what you like to do on a regular basis, etc.. I just think it's not beneficial to be more isolated physically, and there's other places and ways to improve that. If I were forced to move back home to the city of ~700k, I'd simply only select a few of the neighborhoods where I'd be likely to bump into people, or get to chatting with someone at the gym or whatever. Making new friends is still hard and takes work and luck, but positioning yourself to make that hard process more enjoyable is something I think a lot of people can benefit from. Williamsburg and Silicon Valley are extremes of particular personalities and age groups I'd think, but even within that you're going to have some people who are roughly a similar older age with similar interests. Edit: I'd expand on this idea a little. Making and keeping friends is hard, and is the result of circumstance, discovery. Some things help. A frequent interval of being around some of the same people for some time increases the likelihood you'll get to recognize them and discover if you have chemistry or any piece of common group. That's why work is most people's default, but it's a dangerous default. School is a better model, you're paying to be there and there's plenty to talk about. When I visit friends in the suburbs, it's always fine, I'm happy to see them, but it's very much a druve to and from or transit to and from kind of thing. Some people like that, they like that, but it's not as much my vibe. Moving somewhere medium dense and walkable, in your own small town or otherwise, won't necessarily mean your life blows up for the good or bad, but it has the potential to change your opportunities, or those of your kids, in my opinion.
    - legerdemain 4y ago
      I do live close to a small, walkable downtown that has a few restaurants, bars, and boutiques. That said, I've been spending 3-4 hours each day at one of the several cafes here, and other than the baristas and the local homeless I get food for, I haven't become acquainted with anyone. Most of the customers are big family groups, groups of young Korean/Indian men hanging out, teenagers doing homework, and stay-at-home moms with toddlers. Usually packed with customers, especially in the evenings, but not really social environments. I suspect neighborhood cafes in typical small towns are similar.
      - 4y ago

ajoseps 4y ago

silicon valley is a massive suburb, and i guess you can argue it’s a suburban wasteland as well

brailsafe 4y ago

I've never properly visited, but I haven't heard good things, and silicon valley just doesn't interest me in any way. I guess my point was that advice for making and keeping new friends depends on their being a decent pool of people around, and if you don't have that, solve that problem first, unless you're ok with where you live for whatever reason. Because I do have friends back home in suburban Canada, and they are struggling to expand their friend group outside of work, going into their 30s. My advice to them is to try and increase the frequency with which you're likely ot meet people in a common setting that you like to spend time in, and the city itself does not facilitate that in any meaningful way. So the first step is to move somewhere more conducive to that.

legerdemain 4y ago
Sure, yeah, I don't think I've made any non-work friends while living here. And even that is like 2-3 people in 10 years of trying. I guess I could blow up my life here and just start completely over somewhere else, but I'm kind of afraid that it won't be any different wherever I end up moving to, given my age.
- brailsafe 4y ago
  Well, you might be right. It does all depend on circumstances, what you've got set up for you, what you like to do on a regular basis, etc.. I just think it's not beneficial to be more isolated physically, and there's other places and ways to improve that. If I were forced to move back home to the city of ~700k, I'd simply only select a few of the neighborhoods where I'd be likely to bump into people, or get to chatting with someone at the gym or whatever. Making new friends is still hard and takes work and luck, but positioning yourself to make that hard process more enjoyable is something I think a lot of people can benefit from. Williamsburg and Silicon Valley are extremes of particular personalities and age groups I'd think, but even within that you're going to have some people who are roughly a similar older age with similar interests. Edit: I'd expand on this idea a little. Making and keeping friends is hard, and is the result of circumstance, discovery. Some things help. A frequent interval of being around some of the same people for some time increases the likelihood you'll get to recognize them and discover if you have chemistry or any piece of common group. That's why work is most people's default, but it's a dangerous default. School is a better model, you're paying to be there and there's plenty to talk about. When I visit friends in the suburbs, it's always fine, I'm happy to see them, but it's very much a druve to and from or transit to and from kind of thing. Some people like that, they like that, but it's not as much my vibe. Moving somewhere medium dense and walkable, in your own small town or otherwise, won't necessarily mean your life blows up for the good or bad, but it has the potential to change your opportunities, or those of your kids, in my opinion.
  - legerdemain 4y ago
    I do live close to a small, walkable downtown that has a few restaurants, bars, and boutiques. That said, I've been spending 3-4 hours each day at one of the several cafes here, and other than the baristas and the local homeless I get food for, I haven't become acquainted with anyone. Most of the customers are big family groups, groups of young Korean/Indian men hanging out, teenagers doing homework, and stay-at-home moms with toddlers. Usually packed with customers, especially in the evenings, but not really social environments. I suspect neighborhood cafes in typical small towns are similar.
    - 4y ago