2 ms·

Word of caution. It can go sour. It's really awkward. I have a group of 20 to 30 friends nearby. Walkable, east coast, not NYC, fun friendly place to live. It

Word of caution. It can go sour. It's really awkward. I have a group of 20 to 30 friends nearby. Walkable, east coast, not NYC, fun friendly place to live. It's amazing how fast one badly-behaved person can create chaos and uproar in a group like this. People take sides, or they try not to take sides, or they ignore cruel behaviors because they don't want to rock the boat. I'm still friends with almost everyone, mostly because I now have really strict boundaries re privacy, after weathering a couple of these local incidents. It can work. It works best if you keep some stuff private, and save it for your non-proximate crew. In the immortal words of Hank Williams, "If you mind your own business then you won't be minding mine ... If you mind your own business you'll stay busy all the time."

stevenjgarner 4y ago
I cannot emphasize this point enough. If members of an intentional community are really intent on becoming the best versions of themselves, I posit the probability of them growing through the common shared interests and diverging from one another is somewhat assured. Better to relish the shared moments throughout the journey of life, especially if they require extensive travel to be enjoyed. In my own journey, my first wife and I travelled half way around the world to join an intentional meditation community of more than 1,000 in the US. We were young and delusional. While memorable experiences were had, the community as a whole fractured through inevitable evolution of lifestyle differences, political differences, divorces (and intermarriage) and subtle but extremely important differences in values, morals and ethics. It is all too easy for the passion of like mindedness to mask the much deeper core values of your own familial and cultural background, to which I find most people return later in life.
- marymkearney 4y ago
  < the passion of like-mindedness > This is so universal, there must be a name for it: Our assumption that if someone shares our passion for meditation, or climate activism, or lean startup, etc., they must be just like us. I still do this! Best I can say is, I've shortened the interval to when Rational Brain overrides Tribal Brain and says no, we share a passion, otherwise we have little in common. If I may ask, how long did you stay in the community, were you there when the worst drama happened, and what drove you out?

stevenjgarner 4y ago

I cannot emphasize this point enough. If members of an intentional community are really intent on becoming the best versions of themselves, I posit the probability of them growing through the common shared interests and diverging from one another is somewhat assured. Better to relish the shared moments throughout the journey of life, especially if they require extensive travel to be enjoyed. In my own journey, my first wife and I travelled half way around the world to join an intentional meditation community of more than 1,000 in the US. We were young and delusional. While memorable experiences were had, the community as a whole fractured through inevitable evolution of lifestyle differences, political differences, divorces (and intermarriage) and subtle but extremely important differences in values, morals and ethics. It is all too easy for the passion of like mindedness to mask the much deeper core values of your own familial and cultural background, to which I find most people return later in life.

marymkearney 4y ago
< the passion of like-mindedness > This is so universal, there must be a name for it: Our assumption that if someone shares our passion for meditation, or climate activism, or lean startup, etc., they must be just like us. I still do this! Best I can say is, I've shortened the interval to when Rational Brain overrides Tribal Brain and says no, we share a passion, otherwise we have little in common. If I may ask, how long did you stay in the community, were you there when the worst drama happened, and what drove you out?