5 ms·

It really sounds like the author is female, has many female friends, and leads some kind of "Sex and the City" New York lifestyle. Like, maybe this works in NY

It really sounds like the author is female, has many female friends, and leads some kind of "Sex and the City" New York lifestyle. Like, maybe this works in NYC for some dedicated people, but in less dense, less hip, less young, less trendy settings, none of these things work, or at least they're not very relevant. Like, maybe it would work if I moved to a very posh place in SoMa, and I had a bunch of girlfriends who I could tantalize with the location and the decor and the rooftop nightclub. But I don't, won't, and almost no one does, either. The coolest event at my neighborhood cafe is homework club and it's a couple doors down from a fraternal Eagles Lounge with a pool table and a jukebox. There are plenty of places to live listed on Zillow, although they're neither cheap nor necessarily very nice. Most people I know work from home, rarely leave home, and lead lives of Netflix.

legerdemain 4y ago
OK, I lied. The coolest event at my neighborhood cafe is a 6am motorcycle club meetup before their group ride, but I don't have a hawg and have no intent to buy one.
vostok 4y ago
> Like, maybe this works in NYC It sounds like the author deliberately moved to NYC. They didn't just accidentally end up in a place where this is possible.
- legerdemain 4y ago
  Where in the blog post do you see that?
  - momdad420 4y ago
    [dead]
brailsafe 4y ago
Wouldn't you consider that to be your area's problem rather than the author's? It's pretty common for people to leave their suburban wasteland birthplace in search of something else. When I think of the qualities that attract me to the city where my highschool was, it's only that I'd be closer to my aging grandparents. Any friends I'm still in contact with I see just about as much as I would if I lived there. Beyond that, there isn't one single redeeming quality that can be discretely taken advantage of.
- legerdemain 4y ago
  I think I'd actually have better luck with this advice in my "suburban wasteland birthplace" than where I live now, where I moved for my job, which is Silicon Valley. Silicon Valley is a wasteland like no other I've seen. Second, this advice is being offered without caveats or reservations, whereas it really only makes sense in Brooklyn and places that resemble it closely in density, walkability, and affluence.
  - ajoseps 4y ago
    silicon valley is a massive suburb, and i guess you can argue it’s a suburban wasteland as well
  - brailsafe 4y ago
    I've never properly visited, but I haven't heard good things, and silicon valley just doesn't interest me in any way. I guess my point was that advice for making and keeping new friends depends on their being a decent pool of people around, and if you don't have that, solve that problem first, unless you're ok with where you live for whatever reason. Because I do have friends back home in suburban Canada, and they are struggling to expand their friend group outside of work, going into their 30s. My advice to them is to try and increase the frequency with which you're likely ot meet people in a common setting that you like to spend time in, and the city itself does not facilitate that in any meaningful way. So the first step is to move somewhere more conducive to that.
    - legerdemain 4y ago
      Sure, yeah, I don't think I've made any non-work friends while living here. And even that is like 2-3 people in 10 years of trying. I guess I could blow up my life here and just start completely over somewhere else, but I'm kind of afraid that it won't be any different wherever I end up moving to, given my age.
      - brailsafe 4y ago
        Well, you might be right. It does all depend on circumstances, what you've got set up for you, what you like to do on a regular basis, etc.. I just think it's not beneficial to be more isolated physically, and there's other places and ways to improve that. If I were forced to move back home to the city of ~700k, I'd simply only select a few of the neighborhoods where I'd be likely to bump into people, or get to chatting with someone at the gym or whatever. Making new friends is still hard and takes work and luck, but positioning yourself to make that hard process more enjoyable is something I think a lot of people can benefit from. Williamsburg and Silicon Valley are extremes of particular personalities and age groups I'd think, but even within that you're going to have some people who are roughly a similar older age with similar interests. Edit: I'd expand on this idea a little. Making and keeping friends is hard, and is the result of circumstance, discovery. Some things help. A frequent interval of being around some of the same people for some time increases the likelihood you'll get to recognize them and discover if you have chemistry or any piece of common group. That's why work is most people's default, but it's a dangerous default. School is a better model, you're paying to be there and there's plenty to talk about. When I visit friends in the suburbs, it's always fine, I'm happy to see them, but it's very much a druve to and from or transit to and from kind of thing. Some people like that, they like that, but it's not as much my vibe. Moving somewhere medium dense and walkable, in your own small town or otherwise, won't necessarily mean your life blows up for the good or bad, but it has the potential to change your opportunities, or those of your kids, in my opinion.
blitzar 4y ago
> none of these things work, or at least they're not very relevant But they do work amazingly well for instagram / tiktok.

legerdemain 4y ago

OK, I lied. The coolest event at my neighborhood cafe is a 6am motorcycle club meetup before their group ride, but I don't have a hawg and have no intent to buy one.

vostok 4y ago

> Like, maybe this works in NYC It sounds like the author deliberately moved to NYC. They didn't just accidentally end up in a place where this is possible.

legerdemain 4y ago
Where in the blog post do you see that?
- momdad420 4y ago
  [dead]

brailsafe 4y ago

Wouldn't you consider that to be your area's problem rather than the author's? It's pretty common for people to leave their suburban wasteland birthplace in search of something else. When I think of the qualities that attract me to the city where my highschool was, it's only that I'd be closer to my aging grandparents. Any friends I'm still in contact with I see just about as much as I would if I lived there. Beyond that, there isn't one single redeeming quality that can be discretely taken advantage of.

legerdemain 4y ago
I think I'd actually have better luck with this advice in my "suburban wasteland birthplace" than where I live now, where I moved for my job, which is Silicon Valley. Silicon Valley is a wasteland like no other I've seen. Second, this advice is being offered without caveats or reservations, whereas it really only makes sense in Brooklyn and places that resemble it closely in density, walkability, and affluence.
- ajoseps 4y ago
  silicon valley is a massive suburb, and i guess you can argue it’s a suburban wasteland as well
- brailsafe 4y ago
  I've never properly visited, but I haven't heard good things, and silicon valley just doesn't interest me in any way. I guess my point was that advice for making and keeping new friends depends on their being a decent pool of people around, and if you don't have that, solve that problem first, unless you're ok with where you live for whatever reason. Because I do have friends back home in suburban Canada, and they are struggling to expand their friend group outside of work, going into their 30s. My advice to them is to try and increase the frequency with which you're likely ot meet people in a common setting that you like to spend time in, and the city itself does not facilitate that in any meaningful way. So the first step is to move somewhere more conducive to that.
  - legerdemain 4y ago
    Sure, yeah, I don't think I've made any non-work friends while living here. And even that is like 2-3 people in 10 years of trying. I guess I could blow up my life here and just start completely over somewhere else, but I'm kind of afraid that it won't be any different wherever I end up moving to, given my age.
    - brailsafe 4y ago
      Well, you might be right. It does all depend on circumstances, what you've got set up for you, what you like to do on a regular basis, etc.. I just think it's not beneficial to be more isolated physically, and there's other places and ways to improve that. If I were forced to move back home to the city of ~700k, I'd simply only select a few of the neighborhoods where I'd be likely to bump into people, or get to chatting with someone at the gym or whatever. Making new friends is still hard and takes work and luck, but positioning yourself to make that hard process more enjoyable is something I think a lot of people can benefit from. Williamsburg and Silicon Valley are extremes of particular personalities and age groups I'd think, but even within that you're going to have some people who are roughly a similar older age with similar interests. Edit: I'd expand on this idea a little. Making and keeping friends is hard, and is the result of circumstance, discovery. Some things help. A frequent interval of being around some of the same people for some time increases the likelihood you'll get to recognize them and discover if you have chemistry or any piece of common group. That's why work is most people's default, but it's a dangerous default. School is a better model, you're paying to be there and there's plenty to talk about. When I visit friends in the suburbs, it's always fine, I'm happy to see them, but it's very much a druve to and from or transit to and from kind of thing. Some people like that, they like that, but it's not as much my vibe. Moving somewhere medium dense and walkable, in your own small town or otherwise, won't necessarily mean your life blows up for the good or bad, but it has the potential to change your opportunities, or those of your kids, in my opinion.

blitzar 4y ago

> none of these things work, or at least they're not very relevant But they do work amazingly well for instagram / tiktok.