Curiosity is the first step, so you’re doing great. “Say what you mean” by Oren Jay Sofer changed my life. Learning to actually, well, say what I was trying to

Curiosity is the first step, so you’re doing great. “Say what you mean” by Oren Jay Sofer changed my life. Learning to actually, well, say what I was trying to say, to be facetious. It was mind blowing to realise I was actually sending out completely contradictory messages. NVC by Marshall Rosenberg is also good, but Sofer covers it. I had, along with most I would say, unconsciously learnt a kind of domination language from the world around me growing up. Always trying to be right, using the aesthetic of logic and creating sides. Learning to lead with curiosity, to actually listen to the other person was saying and think about it before responding to what they were saying instead of the concurrent Monolog of what I though they were saying was wiiiiiild. I gained close friends in a way I always craved, I grew and and still growing closer to my partner. I calmed down a LOT, arguing less after realising I neither needed to win nor disagree. I’m a fanboy, it’s life changing stuff. Another parallel track was learning to be a more interesting person. I had sort of relaxed into dyadic life, looking to my partner for entertainment, sort of blaming them when I was unhappy or bored. Finding stuff to do on my own helped majorly. Hobbies and clubs, finding things I enjoyed others respected outside of work. Building light installations for music festivals in my case.