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I know this sounds weird but my relationships have improved significantly since I started showing my emotions. Specially being able to cry in front of my wife r

I know this sounds weird but my relationships have improved significantly since I started showing my emotions. Specially being able to cry in front of my wife really opened up the gates to the full spectrum of emotions in our relationship. Stigmatization of this subject really sucks…

giantg2 4y ago
That's good it worked out for you. Many women tell their man it's OK to cry and be vulnerable, then are completely disgusted and sometimes leave them when it happens.
- bmitc 4y ago
  That sounds like an ultimately useful filtering process.
  - giantg2 4y ago
    Only for those who are still in the selection stage.
    - dividedbyzero 4y ago
      Time for another selection stage.
- FartyMcFarter 4y ago
  That's a good sign that they're not good relationship material - the earlier this happens, the sooner you can get out. Either way, it works out.
  - rayiner 4y ago
    [flagged]
    - beebeepka 4y ago
      You honestly think the majority of women would be disgusted to find out their men have human feelings? This seems ridiculous to me, but not impossible. Maybe women are different outside Europe and South America. What do I know how things work where you are.
    - jmckib 4y ago
      I know we are all speaking from our own experience here, but I’ve never even heard of a woman being disgusted by or leaving a man because he cried. I’ve cried in front of every long term girlfriend I’ve ever had and it’s never been a negative, only positive. Could it be a cultural thing? I’m American and I’ve always lived in major coastal cities.
      - Our_Benefactors 4y ago
        > I’ve cried in front of every long term girlfriend I’ve ever had and it’s never been a negative, only positive. They’re your exes… how can you be so confident that it was positive for the relationship?
        jmckib 4y ago
        Because of their reactions and also because we stayed together many years afterwards, not to mention I’m currently married to the most recent one!
      - rayiner 4y ago
        > Could it be a cultural thing? I’m American and I’ve always lived in major coastal cities. Possibly—I’m from a Muslim country. I’ve seen my dad cry twice, once when our dog died and once when his mom died. He had a good relationship with his own dad but didn’t cry when he died. My mom would probably freak out if he expressed more weakness than that. But to my point, Americans in major coastal cities are a minority in terms of culture. And I assume you are white. Even in major coastal cities, non-whites typically have more traditional expectations about male behavior.
    - loeg 4y ago
- ciwolsey 4y ago
  Good riddens then? It's just a case of having a terrible person as a partner.
  - lotsofpulp 4y ago
    FYI, it is riddance.
- nkrisc 4y ago
  So not crying and staying with a person as psycho as that is healthier?
  - hellojesus 4y ago
    Depending on how good the sex is, yes.
- isthisthingon99 4y ago
  In my opinion, you are interpreting it incorrectly. Look from their perspective. "My man is so smart, competent and emotionally stable. I can rely on him for anything!" "Oh no he's crying, does this mean our family won't survive? What do I do?" It's not anything more complicated than that. Women can probably chime in to tell me if I'm right or wrong, but this is a human perspective, because children will feel the same way if the father cries.
  - giantg2 4y ago
    But it's unacceptable for a man to do/think the same.
    - isthisthingon99 4y ago
      We don't have to give birth. Being self reliant is thus our cross to bear.
      - giantg2 4y ago
        This comment makes no sense.
        isthisthingon99 4y ago
        Women have the sacred responsibly to bring children to life. The least men can do is be reliable and handle their emotions.
  - BazookaMusic 4y ago
    This comment is quite demeaning to women's intelligence. There is no reason for a woman to consider that emotional openness on the side of her husband is an indication that their family won't survive. Crying is an expression of bottled up emotions, not an acceptance of defeat. Someone can cry and be invigorated to try harder to deal with their problems or they can cry but still be supportive to their spouse and provide emotional stability. Womens' reactions are dependent upon their personality, their values, their view of the other person, the environment, their current emotional state, their biology and a lot of other factors at any given moment. This explains the fact that some people in this thread talk about how their crying led to more fulfilling relationships why others talk about break ups and loss of trust. Even the point about children is completely arbitrary. Will children feel that their family won't survive due to their father crying about a lost relative? Doesn't it depend on their age? Furthermore, children need to see that their parents are humans and how to express their emotions. The alternative is that they find more indirect ways to do that like alcoholism, abuse, self-harm, extreme escapism and many other banes of today's society.
antisceptic 4y ago
I have experienced the opposite, where it has projected fragility and ruptured trust relationships with both men and women.
- FartyMcFarter 4y ago
  If someone only trusts you because you act like an emotionless robot, they're not worth hanging out with. You want to hang out with people who accept your whole self, weaknesses and strengths included. At some point in your life you might need support to go through dark and difficult times - you want people who are there for you throughout those periods.
  - antisceptic 4y ago
    I agree, but I think most people model others in their head quite crudely so whenever someone breaks outside of their box of expectations, that someone is no longer serving the same role in the relationship, and risks being shunned or replaced. Purely conjecture though. On the flip side, now closer to an emotionless robot due to such experiences, I find people relying on me for my emotionless roboticism.
  - rayiner 4y ago
    [flagged]
- nkrisc 4y ago
  As someone who hasn’t had that experience, I’m having such a hard time wrapping my head around this and how that previous status quo was at all healthy. So it was the illusion of strength and stability that propped up trust in the relationship? How does crying destroy trust? There had to be more to it than just that.
  - antisceptic 4y ago
    I meant, people who were trustworthy previously were no longer
  - 4y ago
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
JamesBarney 4y ago
I have the opposite experience. Parts of our relationship are better but she's not as romantically engaged in the relationship. Many women prefer an emotionally numb confident man to an emotionally available one.
- JamesBarney 4y ago
  Prefer is maybe the wrong word. Attracted to us more what I meant.

giantg2 4y ago

That's good it worked out for you. Many women tell their man it's OK to cry and be vulnerable, then are completely disgusted and sometimes leave them when it happens.

bmitc 4y ago
That sounds like an ultimately useful filtering process.
- giantg2 4y ago
  Only for those who are still in the selection stage.
  - dividedbyzero 4y ago
    Time for another selection stage.
FartyMcFarter 4y ago
That's a good sign that they're not good relationship material - the earlier this happens, the sooner you can get out. Either way, it works out.
- rayiner 4y ago
  [flagged]
  - beebeepka 4y ago
    You honestly think the majority of women would be disgusted to find out their men have human feelings? This seems ridiculous to me, but not impossible. Maybe women are different outside Europe and South America. What do I know how things work where you are.
  - jmckib 4y ago
    I know we are all speaking from our own experience here, but I’ve never even heard of a woman being disgusted by or leaving a man because he cried. I’ve cried in front of every long term girlfriend I’ve ever had and it’s never been a negative, only positive. Could it be a cultural thing? I’m American and I’ve always lived in major coastal cities.
    - Our_Benefactors 4y ago
      > I’ve cried in front of every long term girlfriend I’ve ever had and it’s never been a negative, only positive. They’re your exes… how can you be so confident that it was positive for the relationship?
      - jmckib 4y ago
        Because of their reactions and also because we stayed together many years afterwards, not to mention I’m currently married to the most recent one!
    - rayiner 4y ago
      > Could it be a cultural thing? I’m American and I’ve always lived in major coastal cities. Possibly—I’m from a Muslim country. I’ve seen my dad cry twice, once when our dog died and once when his mom died. He had a good relationship with his own dad but didn’t cry when he died. My mom would probably freak out if he expressed more weakness than that. But to my point, Americans in major coastal cities are a minority in terms of culture. And I assume you are white. Even in major coastal cities, non-whites typically have more traditional expectations about male behavior.
  - loeg 4y ago
ciwolsey 4y ago
Good riddens then? It's just a case of having a terrible person as a partner.
- lotsofpulp 4y ago
  FYI, it is riddance.
nkrisc 4y ago
So not crying and staying with a person as psycho as that is healthier?
- hellojesus 4y ago
  Depending on how good the sex is, yes.
isthisthingon99 4y ago
In my opinion, you are interpreting it incorrectly. Look from their perspective. "My man is so smart, competent and emotionally stable. I can rely on him for anything!" "Oh no he's crying, does this mean our family won't survive? What do I do?" It's not anything more complicated than that. Women can probably chime in to tell me if I'm right or wrong, but this is a human perspective, because children will feel the same way if the father cries.
- giantg2 4y ago
  But it's unacceptable for a man to do/think the same.
  - isthisthingon99 4y ago
    We don't have to give birth. Being self reliant is thus our cross to bear.
    - giantg2 4y ago
      This comment makes no sense.
      - isthisthingon99 4y ago
        Women have the sacred responsibly to bring children to life. The least men can do is be reliable and handle their emotions.
- BazookaMusic 4y ago
  This comment is quite demeaning to women's intelligence. There is no reason for a woman to consider that emotional openness on the side of her husband is an indication that their family won't survive. Crying is an expression of bottled up emotions, not an acceptance of defeat. Someone can cry and be invigorated to try harder to deal with their problems or they can cry but still be supportive to their spouse and provide emotional stability. Womens' reactions are dependent upon their personality, their values, their view of the other person, the environment, their current emotional state, their biology and a lot of other factors at any given moment. This explains the fact that some people in this thread talk about how their crying led to more fulfilling relationships why others talk about break ups and loss of trust. Even the point about children is completely arbitrary. Will children feel that their family won't survive due to their father crying about a lost relative? Doesn't it depend on their age? Furthermore, children need to see that their parents are humans and how to express their emotions. The alternative is that they find more indirect ways to do that like alcoholism, abuse, self-harm, extreme escapism and many other banes of today's society.

antisceptic 4y ago

I have experienced the opposite, where it has projected fragility and ruptured trust relationships with both men and women.

FartyMcFarter 4y ago
If someone only trusts you because you act like an emotionless robot, they're not worth hanging out with. You want to hang out with people who accept your whole self, weaknesses and strengths included. At some point in your life you might need support to go through dark and difficult times - you want people who are there for you throughout those periods.
- antisceptic 4y ago
  I agree, but I think most people model others in their head quite crudely so whenever someone breaks outside of their box of expectations, that someone is no longer serving the same role in the relationship, and risks being shunned or replaced. Purely conjecture though. On the flip side, now closer to an emotionless robot due to such experiences, I find people relying on me for my emotionless roboticism.
- rayiner 4y ago
  [flagged]
nkrisc 4y ago
As someone who hasn’t had that experience, I’m having such a hard time wrapping my head around this and how that previous status quo was at all healthy. So it was the illusion of strength and stability that propped up trust in the relationship? How does crying destroy trust? There had to be more to it than just that.
- antisceptic 4y ago
  I meant, people who were trustworthy previously were no longer
- 4y ago

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

JamesBarney 4y ago

I have the opposite experience. Parts of our relationship are better but she's not as romantically engaged in the relationship. Many women prefer an emotionally numb confident man to an emotionally available one.

JamesBarney 4y ago
Prefer is maybe the wrong word. Attracted to us more what I meant.