I'm closing on 25 years of being a programmer, some of them being a manager, and, on top of that, worked in other industries... through all these years I've met

I'm closing on 25 years of being a programmer, some of them being a manager, and, on top of that, worked in other industries... through all these years I've met very few good programmers. Probably less than 10, maybe significantly less than 10. I've never met good managers. The spectrum in management seems to be from "passable" to "what a train-wreck!". So... it sucks to be in your position, but... it will happen again. It sucks to miss the benefits of working in the same place for a long time, but it also sucks to have a toxic environment to work in. One thing I never tried in my career is to start my own business. I'm too afraid and repulsed by the need to do accounting, beg for sponsorship and deal with people in general. But, that's me. Many people seem to like that, or at least not to mind it as much. I'm mentioning this as just one more option on the menu, not the solution to your situation. One thing I'm sure of: the more I was my own boss (i.e. progressing towards the management), the less I had to worry about the kind of interactions you are facing. It never goes away, of course, but the most petty and vengeful people are somehow always the lowest level of management in any organization. It gets better if you are just a grunt or the more you progress up the hierarchy, especially in big corporations where nobody really cares about much the higher up in the hierarchy they are.