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As an only child, low/middle-income earner, I'm terrified of what happens when my parents can't live on their own anymore. My dad says they have enough money fo
by boppo1 4y ago
As an only child, low/middle-income earner, I'm terrified of what happens when my parents can't live on their own anymore. My dad says they have enough money for retirement, but the way things are looking it seems like they could blow through all their assets real fast and still wind up receiving terrible care.
- bell-cot 4y agoIf the only thing that you can do is to guard their wealth and welfare against the flocks of prey-on-the-elderly vultures infesting this world, then you'll have done them greater service than mere money could buy.
- willcipriano 4y agoDepending on what happens to their mental health protecting them may require dragging them kicking and screaming. It's harder said than done.
- boppo1 4y agoYeah, it's starting to look this way for one of them. I have time left before dementia sets in, but he's on a clear trajectory, spending most of his day on TV and overeating.
- bell-cot 4y agoMy sympathies. Hopefully he is pleasant and reasonable, and you have done what can reasonably be done ahead, with a good lawyer.
- kxyvr 4y agoAs someone who has been through this, I'll offer some random, unsolicited advice: 1. Much is dictated by level of care. Meaning, there is a spectrum from independent living, assisted living, and nursing home. Independent living is the cheapest with the least amount of assistance. A nursing home is the most expensive and has the highest level of care. 2. Money does not necessarily dictate better care. We obtained better care from a $5k/mo facility than a $9k/mo. 3. Staff turnover is high. Reviews are important, but if the reviews are more than a year old, it doesn't mean a lot. 4. Most of the time, better care can be had if the facility knows the family is involved and they are being watched. To this end, each state I've been involved with allowed the family to demand a camera be installed in the room. The rooms with cameras are the first to be handled. And, to be clear, I don't like this, but it is what it is. Outside of this, families that visit either every day or multiple times a week who get to know the staff generally receive better care. 5. Medicaid can cover the cost of a nursing home, but all assets need to be essentially depleted to a few thousand. This includes any value in the home. It may be possible to transfer the assets to a trust, but there tends to be a cool down where this only works if the assets have been in a trust for multiple years. An estate lawyer familiar with this area of law would know best. 6. If assets are depleted as in 5, some states subsidize home based care through medicaid. This tends to be paltry, but it can help. I think we were originally authorized 20.5 hours a week and the amount essentially came out to $9/hr. And, to be clear, all of the above addresses none of the emotional difficulty of being put in such a position. As far as the article goes, I don't doubt it. We saw some really horrific things in the nursing homes. When you're going through it, it feels like a mix of sadness, helplessness, and rage. It doesn't have to be bad, but often is. At the same time, there are situations were you must use one because its not safe to have your family member be alone. Things like dementia, fall risks, etc. Please never judge someone for using a facility; it may be required. Just protect yourself and your family as best you can.
- boppo1 4y agoThanks for this input! Scary as this is, more info is helpful.