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I was very lonely for my college years because I lived in a religious uni that was far away from any city, partly because the mission school I went to (went to

I was very lonely for my college years because I lived in a religious uni that was far away from any city, partly because the mission school I went to (went to school outside of America) offered tuition scholarships to go there. Within the first year of leaving to an actual city, I lost my virginity, had my first successful relationship, and generally found my place in the world. People underestimate how much mundane things like "changing your location" can do about loneliness (hint: cities are much better than rural and suburban places for that kind of thing)

bubblic 4y ago
I feel you! The prime motivation to create this webapp (and the future project that is in the oven) was from my extreme loneliness during grad school. I never thought that I would be someone to experience loneliness because I thought I was a generally happy person with quite a few close friends I can talk deeply with. I thought, why is it that in this today and age with ultimate connectivity, there is not a reasonable way to make new friends? I agree physical location plays a huge role because you feel the most connection when you are in person with someone. But with remote learning and working on the rise, this loneliness situation will only get more pervasive. I think there is a better digital medium/channel/mode of interaction/environment that can abstract as much of the genuine human connection from real-life interaction as possible, and the current social media landscape is severely lacking at it. I am building Lonely World to learn as much about the loneliness 'market' if you will, and validate my hypotheses for the better digital social platform. I am happy so far that people have cheered me on my mission.
- siwatanejo 4y ago
  Hey nice initiative! I have similar ideas as you, maybe we should collaborate?
  - bubblic 4y ago
    cool, DM/email me :)
frodowtf 4y ago
I currently also experience this difference between rural areas and the city. Recently left my hometown for the second largest city in Germany. It's crazy how different I feel. Way more open about myself. I don't have a problem connecting with people anymore. It is quite weird - I thought I was an introvert before. But it also makes me question whether my long-term relationship (8 years) has been a good fit for me and the thing I really always wanted.
CalRobert 4y ago
Moved to the countryside because it was cheap but my life now is just waiting to die. Can't wait to get back to the city.
nicbou 4y ago
The opposite is also true. I help immigrants deal with various issues, and loneliness is a major issue most of them face in the first 18 months. If you move to a new place without any contacts, and you don't speak the local language, and the locals are not famous for their warmth, you struggle. The problem is that there is no step by step solution that works for everyone. We all have different ways to put ourselves out there.
- noobermin 4y ago
  So, ironically, I just moved to Singapore from the US last year. I think if it wasn't for my wife-to-be who is Singaporean, I'd be pretty lonely here too. I think the point I should have made isn't just "move" but rather "move to a place where you'll feel more comfortable." Of course, you have to be lucky enough to land in a spot that works, and most people can't move every few months once they've decided X place isn't working for them. Another example of converse: I was happy in high school (that mission school in palau), but moving to the university in TN absolutely stiffled me for those five or so years. I guess another way to phrase my point is "place does matter," and don't discount external factors for being the reason you are lonely. We in America often attribute a lot to internal factors such as attitude, outlook, mindset, etc. And, yes, internal factors are important. However, life really is a balance of external and internal factors, you need to optimize both to the extent you can. I feel like self-help talks and media emphasize internal focus because that is (supposedly) the thing you do have control over. That said, if you can get a "ticket out of town," even to just visit a new place, don't discount what it could do for your internal issues like loneliness.
bearmode 4y ago
Be careful with this: people moving away from home to universities are some of the most at-risk for feeling lonely, for developing depression and suicidal tendencies. It can absolutely help some people, but for others it can make them feel like they're more alone than they've ever been, because while their anxieties and social struggles still exist, they no longer have any support structure of a family or friends from home around them.

bubblic 4y ago

I feel you! The prime motivation to create this webapp (and the future project that is in the oven) was from my extreme loneliness during grad school. I never thought that I would be someone to experience loneliness because I thought I was a generally happy person with quite a few close friends I can talk deeply with. I thought, why is it that in this today and age with ultimate connectivity, there is not a reasonable way to make new friends? I agree physical location plays a huge role because you feel the most connection when you are in person with someone. But with remote learning and working on the rise, this loneliness situation will only get more pervasive. I think there is a better digital medium/channel/mode of interaction/environment that can abstract as much of the genuine human connection from real-life interaction as possible, and the current social media landscape is severely lacking at it. I am building Lonely World to learn as much about the loneliness 'market' if you will, and validate my hypotheses for the better digital social platform. I am happy so far that people have cheered me on my mission.

siwatanejo 4y ago
Hey nice initiative! I have similar ideas as you, maybe we should collaborate?
- bubblic 4y ago
  cool, DM/email me :)

frodowtf 4y ago

I currently also experience this difference between rural areas and the city. Recently left my hometown for the second largest city in Germany. It's crazy how different I feel. Way more open about myself. I don't have a problem connecting with people anymore. It is quite weird - I thought I was an introvert before. But it also makes me question whether my long-term relationship (8 years) has been a good fit for me and the thing I really always wanted.

CalRobert 4y ago

Moved to the countryside because it was cheap but my life now is just waiting to die. Can't wait to get back to the city.

nicbou 4y ago

The opposite is also true. I help immigrants deal with various issues, and loneliness is a major issue most of them face in the first 18 months. If you move to a new place without any contacts, and you don't speak the local language, and the locals are not famous for their warmth, you struggle. The problem is that there is no step by step solution that works for everyone. We all have different ways to put ourselves out there.

noobermin 4y ago
So, ironically, I just moved to Singapore from the US last year. I think if it wasn't for my wife-to-be who is Singaporean, I'd be pretty lonely here too. I think the point I should have made isn't just "move" but rather "move to a place where you'll feel more comfortable." Of course, you have to be lucky enough to land in a spot that works, and most people can't move every few months once they've decided X place isn't working for them. Another example of converse: I was happy in high school (that mission school in palau), but moving to the university in TN absolutely stiffled me for those five or so years. I guess another way to phrase my point is "place does matter," and don't discount external factors for being the reason you are lonely. We in America often attribute a lot to internal factors such as attitude, outlook, mindset, etc. And, yes, internal factors are important. However, life really is a balance of external and internal factors, you need to optimize both to the extent you can. I feel like self-help talks and media emphasize internal focus because that is (supposedly) the thing you do have control over. That said, if you can get a "ticket out of town," even to just visit a new place, don't discount what it could do for your internal issues like loneliness.

bearmode 4y ago

Be careful with this: people moving away from home to universities are some of the most at-risk for feeling lonely, for developing depression and suicidal tendencies. It can absolutely help some people, but for others it can make them feel like they're more alone than they've ever been, because while their anxieties and social struggles still exist, they no longer have any support structure of a family or friends from home around them.