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My wife and I are having a very hard time convincing ourselves to have kids for exactly this reason. We're wealthy, free to pursue our hobbies, and advance in

My wife and I are having a very hard time convincing ourselves to have kids for exactly this reason. We're wealthy, free to pursue our hobbies, and advance in our careers. Nobody's body is getting wrecked, nobody's free time and sleep is getting upended, and it's generally a Very Good Time. Both having kids and not having kids feels selfish for different reasons. It's hard to really feel like there's a right answer here.

toomuchtodo 4y ago
I strongly recommend against it. We had kids and it has wrecked our mid 30s and early 40s. It’s only going to work out because I made prudent investments earlier in life and built a robust network of colleagues who help ensure I’m fully employed at all times. Embrace what you have, life is short. Don’t sacrifice happiness for FOMO.
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girvo 4y ago
What argument is there for "not having kids" being selfish? I guess by the strictest definition, it means you're taking time for yourself over some hypothetical child? But to me, selfishness requires someone you're harming by doing so, and that child doesn't exist, so there is no harm. For what it's worth, my partner and I have made the same decision. We're not having children. It's already too difficult to buy a home here in Brisbane, let alone with the spectre of climate change related problems in the future. And, more to the point, we love our lives as-is!
- SpeedilyDamage 4y ago
  It's a tragedy of the commons issue; if everyone decides as you do, the species stops existing, so not having kids is a luxury decision you get to make on the backs of the rest of the species. Of course having kids is also selfish, as it's bringing someone into this world just to fulfil your biological imperative to reproduce; you create a human being that will (if you don't screw it up) love you for the rest of your life, and your gift to them is this fucked up world, forced to consume scarce resources that may already be gone by the time they're old enough to actually enjoy being a human.

toomuchtodo 4y ago

I strongly recommend against it. We had kids and it has wrecked our mid 30s and early 40s. It’s only going to work out because I made prudent investments earlier in life and built a robust network of colleagues who help ensure I’m fully employed at all times. Embrace what you have, life is short. Don’t sacrifice happiness for FOMO.

deleted 4y ago

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girvo 4y ago

What argument is there for "not having kids" being selfish? I guess by the strictest definition, it means you're taking time for yourself over some hypothetical child? But to me, selfishness requires someone you're harming by doing so, and that child doesn't exist, so there is no harm. For what it's worth, my partner and I have made the same decision. We're not having children. It's already too difficult to buy a home here in Brisbane, let alone with the spectre of climate change related problems in the future. And, more to the point, we love our lives as-is!

SpeedilyDamage 4y ago
It's a tragedy of the commons issue; if everyone decides as you do, the species stops existing, so not having kids is a luxury decision you get to make on the backs of the rest of the species. Of course having kids is also selfish, as it's bringing someone into this world just to fulfil your biological imperative to reproduce; you create a human being that will (if you don't screw it up) love you for the rest of your life, and your gift to them is this fucked up world, forced to consume scarce resources that may already be gone by the time they're old enough to actually enjoy being a human.