They say children are the impatient version of a self. I think there's a lot to that. There is nothing like the intensity of a relationship between a child and

They say children are the impatient version of a self. I think there's a lot to that. There is nothing like the intensity of a relationship between a child and his or her parents. And there is no blueprint. Since every relationship is unique, everyone has to learn for themselves how to act in that relationship. The real "problem" is that children have a much more accurate view of how adults are controlled than the other way around. They recognize very early the knobs and dials they need to operate to get you to do something. Was probably built in by nature as a survival advantage right away. We have a share of autism in our family, fortunately more along the lines of Asperger's. In my experience, communication at eye level is a basic requirement. You don't become an authority because you know better, but when the other person realizes to learn when they listen to you. Children have to find their own rhythm, how they want what, when and how intensively. They must first experience freedom to understand that there must also be limits where it becomes dangerous. The fewer boundaries, the more meaningful they become. And most importantly, there are no wrong choices. Every decision contributes to the development of the relationship. Everyone makes mistakes. Maybe in 10 or 20 years a mistake will turn out to be an absolute stroke of luck. As long as there is trust and love in the relationship. I once tried to stop my daughter (she was 4) from going barefoot in the snow. My instinct was to tell her not to. My wife just grinned, opened the door and let her out. Not 30 seconds later, our daughter was wildly knocking on the door. She was cold. So when given the choice between learning and experience, whenever possible one should choose the experience. Because that is what is remembered. So my daughter and I both had an important lesson that day.