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Ask HN: Entrepreneur seeking advice on postponing fatherhood

7 points by monkeyonethe 4y ago

Hey, 34yo male entrepreneur here My latest venture has recently failed, but I still want give entrepreneurship another shot, my plan is to get a dev job at a startup while working on new ideas during evenings/holidays/weekends, hoping to eventually raise some money and transition to work full time on something new. Meanwhile a lot of my friends are getting married and having kids. I do sometimes go on dates, but since I don't have a lot of free time on hands, I don't see myself committing to a long term serious relationship or having kids right now. My problems are: 1. Wondering if i'll be valuable in the dating market in a few years, would I be able to attract a 30yo when I'm 40? 2. How to handle parental expectations, coming to family events without a partner at this age is getting awkward 3. Is it ok to have kids at 40?, cuz like if i have kids at 40, I'd be 74 when they're 30, since my parents are young 53|55, I feel that it would be kinda weird Anyways, if anyone has any useful advice/blog posts on the topic I'd be super appreciative. Thanks!

flyaway269 4y ago
Your life is what you optimize for. In my opinion it is totally possible to have a family and pursue entrepreneurship.
ChrisCinelli 4y ago
When I was a teenager, I thought I was probably never had kids because you know... you need to be "ready" (financially successful, being mature, had fun before commitment, to be a good father, etc.) I was questioning when (or if) I would have ever been able to start a family. Even ONE kid seemed too big of a responsibility and a burden. Fast forwarding when I was 25 I had a few life changing experiences. Even if I was not I was not at all financially successful, mature, feeling "ready" to be a good father, I was desiring to be a father and having a large family (6 kids). I had the feeling that everything was going to work out. Only when I was 30 I found the right person, that I think it is key, to start a family with and we had some problems to getting kids. We have a "miracle daughter" and we are probably going to adopt down the road. I do not want to give advice to others in this regards. But even if I have not regrets, if I could go back, I would have got married in my 20s and started having children right away. I realized that having a family make me happier and being a good provider is just another motivator to be successful. I have seen a lot of examples of people starting a family early and leading a successful life. Being a successful entrepreneur and being a father is a false dichotomy.
efortis 4y ago
Paraphrasing Rich Dad, Poor Dad: "I'm poor because I have kids" "I'm rich because I have kids"
ChrisCinelli 4y ago
As I and others wrote already, if you want you can have both. Regarding "my plan is to get a dev job at a startup while working on new ideas during evenings/holidays/weekends, hoping to eventually raise some money and transition to work full time on something new" You may also consider getting a job at a BIG company, getting more money and having more time to your side hustle.
RonaldOlzheim 4y ago
you dont rise to your ambition you will rise to your habbits both work and love demand dedication if you want to succeed.

7 points by monkeyonethe 4y ago

flyaway269 4y ago

Your life is what you optimize for. In my opinion it is totally possible to have a family and pursue entrepreneurship.

ChrisCinelli 4y ago

When I was a teenager, I thought I was probably never had kids because you know... you need to be "ready" (financially successful, being mature, had fun before commitment, to be a good father, etc.) I was questioning when (or if) I would have ever been able to start a family. Even ONE kid seemed too big of a responsibility and a burden. Fast forwarding when I was 25 I had a few life changing experiences. Even if I was not I was not at all financially successful, mature, feeling "ready" to be a good father, I was desiring to be a father and having a large family (6 kids). I had the feeling that everything was going to work out. Only when I was 30 I found the right person, that I think it is key, to start a family with and we had some problems to getting kids. We have a "miracle daughter" and we are probably going to adopt down the road. I do not want to give advice to others in this regards. But even if I have not regrets, if I could go back, I would have got married in my 20s and started having children right away. I realized that having a family make me happier and being a good provider is just another motivator to be successful. I have seen a lot of examples of people starting a family early and leading a successful life. Being a successful entrepreneur and being a father is a false dichotomy.

efortis 4y ago

Paraphrasing Rich Dad, Poor Dad: "I'm poor because I have kids" "I'm rich because I have kids"

ChrisCinelli 4y ago

As I and others wrote already, if you want you can have both. Regarding "my plan is to get a dev job at a startup while working on new ideas during evenings/holidays/weekends, hoping to eventually raise some money and transition to work full time on something new" You may also consider getting a job at a BIG company, getting more money and having more time to your side hustle.

RonaldOlzheim 4y ago

you dont rise to your ambition you will rise to your habbits both work and love demand dedication if you want to succeed.