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I was nearly laughing out reading this comment. It's so materialistic and conservative. I bet if it was the other way around you wouldn't care since the women j

I was nearly laughing out reading this comment. It's so materialistic and conservative. I bet if it was the other way around you wouldn't care since the women just needs to find itself the right man who can support her! > Being a broke bartender is maybe cute in your 20s and maybe they are enjoying the "great women" they are dating. it's like you wouldn't believe women care about other aspects besides stable careers. It's not all just meaningless fun and adventure. I know (professional) bartenders personally, working in more sophisticated bars. They are all very social, easy to talk to and confident. I can understand how they are successful on the dating market and able to have meaningful relationships. > The problem is - once you hit 30 and beyond, being a broke bartender ain't that cute, and the kind of women stuck dating them aren't that *great" either. That's so condescending. Is it because you think all great women are already married when they are 30 and home looking after the kids? > And there's no easy leap from a broke bartender in your 20s to someone who can buy a house and support a family in your 30s. We are not in the 50s anymore. The women can have the career and support the family! But why would a successful women date a bartender? Maybe love is not guided by your pay grade and people can date whomever they want. And even if money is tight, a happy family is still possible. My family I grew up in ticked all your boxes and it just didn't work out in the end. I guess you will also make all decisions since you bring the money into the family? > So what I hear in this story, is maybe someone who would otherwise do 130% to go from "director" to "senior director", doing 120% instead so they can play with their kid and extra few hours a week. > It's a very different choice than opting into broke loserdom. That's just mean and so primitive that I am sitting here smiling. Have fun with your 120% corporate job! Though, I hope you will see your kids in between. Maybe you can squeeze in some quality 1on1 time on saturday between your 20% extra work. But I guess that you've got the biggest house in your street and your car is also more expensive, that's all that's important, right? This comment just feels like you consider yourself the superior man and you want to show it.

xyzelement 4y ago
I appreciate that my post tickled you this way :) I think there are two differences between where you and I come from. First, you are talking about which things are possible. I agree all of the things you describe are possible - and happen sometimes. My assertion is that the kind of relationship you describe is exceedingly rare - and even more rarely happy - especially later in life. Second - my post is preconditioned on a values statement about the long term, which includes the desire of raising up a family into the next generation. That's a values thing, you don't have to buy into that, but empirically as people grow up, they either tend to find their way into having a family, or regret failing to do so. So yeah it's not the 50s and people can do whatever they want. But people still often chose to structure their life a certain way and attain what seems like better outcomes (I am talking about family formation) For what it's worth I also came from a broke home and as consequence it took me until almost 40 to find a path to a happy family life, but I am glad I did. I don't assert that I am a superior man, but I do feel great about having a family, and my ability to provide for my wife and kids is a part of that. My wife recently brought up cutting back on her work (she's an emergency room physician) and I am happy that that's an option I can help her materialize if she wants to.

xyzelement 4y ago

I appreciate that my post tickled you this way :) I think there are two differences between where you and I come from. First, you are talking about which things are possible. I agree all of the things you describe are possible - and happen sometimes. My assertion is that the kind of relationship you describe is exceedingly rare - and even more rarely happy - especially later in life. Second - my post is preconditioned on a values statement about the long term, which includes the desire of raising up a family into the next generation. That's a values thing, you don't have to buy into that, but empirically as people grow up, they either tend to find their way into having a family, or regret failing to do so. So yeah it's not the 50s and people can do whatever they want. But people still often chose to structure their life a certain way and attain what seems like better outcomes (I am talking about family formation) For what it's worth I also came from a broke home and as consequence it took me until almost 40 to find a path to a happy family life, but I am glad I did. I don't assert that I am a superior man, but I do feel great about having a family, and my ability to provide for my wife and kids is a part of that. My wife recently brought up cutting back on her work (she's an emergency room physician) and I am happy that that's an option I can help her materialize if she wants to.