4 ms·

Sorry to be so brutally honest....but personally with women rejecting me everywhere in a downright rude manner as an undesirable nerd it is hard not to have a b

Sorry to be so brutally honest....but personally with women rejecting me everywhere in a downright rude manner as an undesirable nerd it is hard not to have a bias against them! Agreed that perhaps not all women are like that...but for one that is nice there is at least a hundred shallow bitches around!

deleted 15y ago
[deleted]
jessedhillon 15y ago
Assuming that you are commenting here because you favor the theory that women are inhibited in some way from being effective software engineers -- and that is why they are underrepresented: For women not to be represented in the population that practices software engineering indicates some intrinsic flaw or inability with them -- but for one that is nice there is at least a hundred shallow bitches around -- But for you to fail to achieve representation in the population which can acquire a mate or find a willing sex partner is ALSO a flaw with women! Brilliant! Heads: you win; tails: women lose.
- youngnerd112 15y ago
  It was in response to the parents comment "but young nerds in particular tend to act bizarrely towards women, and are therefore undesirable to be around." and a personal explanation of why I as a young nerd is slowly developing this kind of a bias.
  - cturner 15y ago
    If you're having trouble of the sort of ratios you're talking about, you're doing something that alienates people. That doesn't have to be the end of things, because if you work at it eventually it'll change. You can't change other people. Focus on the things you can affect, like finding ways to make yourself a more relaxed and relaxing person to talk to. Some people are trying to give you feedback in other parts of this thread. Much of it is not constructive, but some is. But you seem to be focussed on reiterating your points rather than taking it on. Work out how you can be more open to feedback. Find someone who will give you honest feedback. Distinguish between people who give good, direct feedback and people who get off by demeaning you. I assume you created this account as a throwaway because you had an idea what you were saying would be controversial but this stuff is troubling you you and you wanted to talk about it. Good move. Now take the next step.
anigbrowl 15y ago
Then again, maybe it's you.
- youngnerd112 15y ago
  It definitely is me....the point is about why as a young male with a not perfectly rational human brain I cant seem to be able to stop myself from developing biases.
  - tptacek 15y ago
    You realize that doesn't make it acceptable to harbor prejudices, right? The only reason you're not directly penalized for having them is that they're hard to screen for in job interviews... or were, before you gave the Google crawler trace evidence about one of yours.
    - youngnerd112 15y ago
      The unfounded assumptions that you have made are a) Most people dont have any prejudices. b) I care about the societal acceptability of my thoughts before thinking them c) One's thoughts should be discarded if they can somehow be negatively viewed in job interviews d) I cannot have my own business and therefore not need anyone to give me a job.
    - deleted 15y ago
      [deleted]
bethling 15y ago
I've been called a bitch to my face during architectural debates. I've had responses to my technical comments come back as "whatever, sudo make me a sandwich". Been asked while doing interviews, "Oh wait you're not HR?" I've gone to many presentations contain sexist images, etc. Throughout my career I've been constantly had to deal with implications that I don't belong - and that my opinions can be dismissed.. Yet, somehow I manage to keep the perspective that technology isn't populated by sexist assholes - sure the ones that are there stand out and make up a lot of the things that come to mind when I'm stressed. But really it's a small percentage [even though that small percentage can really get to you]. Try to keep the same perspective about women, the vast majority of us aren't "bitches".
- youngnerd112 15y ago
  Trust me I try....but being a nerd and a racial minority it is hard to keep a straight mind when nine out of ten women look the other way when you try to approach them to start a conversation. I dont think you have been in a situation where "Can I buy you a drink" is replied with a "you're ugly ...go away".
  - roguecoder 15y ago
    Nope, but I bet she's be in a situation where men expected her to drop everything to make herself sexually available for a stranger. Everyone wants to be seen as desirable, but it is not an entire gender's fault that the specific women you've approached don't respond to your advances. It may seem counter-intuitive, but the best way I've found to get dates is to treat women like interesting people instead of potential dates, while putting effort into making myself conventionally attractive (working out, getting regular hair cuts, careful grooming, conversational techniques). It's a lot of work, but it's been more effective than deciding the problem is women. Women talk to each other: the friend you make today has a bunch of friends she can set you up with tomorrow. I mean, if the problem is "all women" you might as well give up. Plus, in the meantime I've met a bunch of interesting people and had interesting conversations I'd otherwise have missed out on because I was only considering women as potential romantic partners. It is possible to have fulfilling intellectual, emotional and social relationships that have nothing to do with sex. If you do care exclusively about sex, I recommend escorts or online hookups.
theresaanna 15y ago
Reworded: I either gravitate toward women who tend to respond to my advances negatively or have some behavior that puts women off. Therefore, I'm sexist and consider most if not all women inferior to men in ways including ability in math, engineering. Because I can't get them to sleep with me. ...What??
- youngnerd112 15y ago
  Umm no...but let me try to reword what I said in that language: Although I absolutely agree that it is totally irrational to think of women as inferior in anything , my primate human brain cannot be convinced by reason alone to discard all its biases.Therefore I stand as an example of a young male nerd who as a result of his interactions with the opposite sex is developing negative biases towards them.
  - wlievens 15y ago
    > Umm no Read that post again very carefully. Either you look for the wrong women, or you do something women dislike. Both are relatively easy to fix.
mattgreenrocks 15y ago
Brutally honest? You're projecting your own personal failings onto all women, and it has absolutely no bearing on this discussion whatsoever. What's more, it will haunt you if you don't deal with it now. Go talk it out, either with a friend or a therapist. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.
- youngnerd112 15y ago
  >You're projecting your own personal failings onto all women, and it has absolutely no bearing on this discussion whatsoever. I think like all other people you are missing my point.Please read my other responses on this thread. But Yes I am certainly a failure so far by all conventional standards......but that does'nt mean I have the magical ability to get rid of all my biases....dealing with them is going to take time and in case of this particular bias ,perhaps a lot of positive experiences of interacting with women.
  - mattgreenrocks 15y ago
    I didn't call you a failure per se; it was more an exhortation to quit the pity party, take responsibility for your misguided thinking, and do something about it. That is the point of my thread. The specious arguments you put forth in the thread are not worth addressing.

deleted 15y ago

[deleted]

jessedhillon 15y ago

Assuming that you are commenting here because you favor the theory that women are inhibited in some way from being effective software engineers -- and that is why they are underrepresented: For women not to be represented in the population that practices software engineering indicates some intrinsic flaw or inability with them -- but for one that is nice there is at least a hundred shallow bitches around -- But for you to fail to achieve representation in the population which can acquire a mate or find a willing sex partner is ALSO a flaw with women! Brilliant! Heads: you win; tails: women lose.

youngnerd112 15y ago
It was in response to the parents comment "but young nerds in particular tend to act bizarrely towards women, and are therefore undesirable to be around." and a personal explanation of why I as a young nerd is slowly developing this kind of a bias.
- cturner 15y ago
  If you're having trouble of the sort of ratios you're talking about, you're doing something that alienates people. That doesn't have to be the end of things, because if you work at it eventually it'll change. You can't change other people. Focus on the things you can affect, like finding ways to make yourself a more relaxed and relaxing person to talk to. Some people are trying to give you feedback in other parts of this thread. Much of it is not constructive, but some is. But you seem to be focussed on reiterating your points rather than taking it on. Work out how you can be more open to feedback. Find someone who will give you honest feedback. Distinguish between people who give good, direct feedback and people who get off by demeaning you. I assume you created this account as a throwaway because you had an idea what you were saying would be controversial but this stuff is troubling you you and you wanted to talk about it. Good move. Now take the next step.

anigbrowl 15y ago

Then again, maybe it's you.

youngnerd112 15y ago
It definitely is me....the point is about why as a young male with a not perfectly rational human brain I cant seem to be able to stop myself from developing biases.
- tptacek 15y ago
  You realize that doesn't make it acceptable to harbor prejudices, right? The only reason you're not directly penalized for having them is that they're hard to screen for in job interviews... or were, before you gave the Google crawler trace evidence about one of yours.
  - youngnerd112 15y ago
    The unfounded assumptions that you have made are a) Most people dont have any prejudices. b) I care about the societal acceptability of my thoughts before thinking them c) One's thoughts should be discarded if they can somehow be negatively viewed in job interviews d) I cannot have my own business and therefore not need anyone to give me a job.
  - deleted 15y ago
    [deleted]

bethling 15y ago

I've been called a bitch to my face during architectural debates. I've had responses to my technical comments come back as "whatever, sudo make me a sandwich". Been asked while doing interviews, "Oh wait you're not HR?" I've gone to many presentations contain sexist images, etc. Throughout my career I've been constantly had to deal with implications that I don't belong - and that my opinions can be dismissed.. Yet, somehow I manage to keep the perspective that technology isn't populated by sexist assholes - sure the ones that are there stand out and make up a lot of the things that come to mind when I'm stressed. But really it's a small percentage [even though that small percentage can really get to you]. Try to keep the same perspective about women, the vast majority of us aren't "bitches".

youngnerd112 15y ago
Trust me I try....but being a nerd and a racial minority it is hard to keep a straight mind when nine out of ten women look the other way when you try to approach them to start a conversation. I dont think you have been in a situation where "Can I buy you a drink" is replied with a "you're ugly ...go away".
- roguecoder 15y ago
  Nope, but I bet she's be in a situation where men expected her to drop everything to make herself sexually available for a stranger. Everyone wants to be seen as desirable, but it is not an entire gender's fault that the specific women you've approached don't respond to your advances. It may seem counter-intuitive, but the best way I've found to get dates is to treat women like interesting people instead of potential dates, while putting effort into making myself conventionally attractive (working out, getting regular hair cuts, careful grooming, conversational techniques). It's a lot of work, but it's been more effective than deciding the problem is women. Women talk to each other: the friend you make today has a bunch of friends she can set you up with tomorrow. I mean, if the problem is "all women" you might as well give up. Plus, in the meantime I've met a bunch of interesting people and had interesting conversations I'd otherwise have missed out on because I was only considering women as potential romantic partners. It is possible to have fulfilling intellectual, emotional and social relationships that have nothing to do with sex. If you do care exclusively about sex, I recommend escorts or online hookups.

theresaanna 15y ago

Reworded: I either gravitate toward women who tend to respond to my advances negatively or have some behavior that puts women off. Therefore, I'm sexist and consider most if not all women inferior to men in ways including ability in math, engineering. Because I can't get them to sleep with me. ...What??

youngnerd112 15y ago
Umm no...but let me try to reword what I said in that language: Although I absolutely agree that it is totally irrational to think of women as inferior in anything , my primate human brain cannot be convinced by reason alone to discard all its biases.Therefore I stand as an example of a young male nerd who as a result of his interactions with the opposite sex is developing negative biases towards them.
- wlievens 15y ago
  > Umm no Read that post again very carefully. Either you look for the wrong women, or you do something women dislike. Both are relatively easy to fix.

mattgreenrocks 15y ago

Brutally honest? You're projecting your own personal failings onto all women, and it has absolutely no bearing on this discussion whatsoever. What's more, it will haunt you if you don't deal with it now. Go talk it out, either with a friend or a therapist. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.

youngnerd112 15y ago
>You're projecting your own personal failings onto all women, and it has absolutely no bearing on this discussion whatsoever. I think like all other people you are missing my point.Please read my other responses on this thread. But Yes I am certainly a failure so far by all conventional standards......but that does'nt mean I have the magical ability to get rid of all my biases....dealing with them is going to take time and in case of this particular bias ,perhaps a lot of positive experiences of interacting with women.
- mattgreenrocks 15y ago
  I didn't call you a failure per se; it was more an exhortation to quit the pity party, take responsibility for your misguided thinking, and do something about it. That is the point of my thread. The specious arguments you put forth in the thread are not worth addressing.