This isn't meant to trivialize what you're saying here, or to deny that a lot of parts of life can be pretty miserable for people who are poor. But what you're

This isn't meant to trivialize what you're saying here, or to deny that a lot of parts of life can be pretty miserable for people who are poor. But what you're describing here sounds only partly like "I'm poor and life is hard": a lot of it also sounds like some pretty significant mental health challenges. Not that I'm in any way a professional! But if a friend of mine were talking this way, I'd encourage them as strongly as I could to find an expert to work with to help them find more positive ways of engaging with life. Being poor does genuinely suck, and a lot of modern society seems to deliberately lean in to that. But I know quite a few poorer folks who still find joy in life, each in their own way. Human beings have always been resilient in difficult circumstances: I don't think we would have lasted through generations of evolution if a difficult life routinely led to despair.