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Speaking to the comments here: What would it take for you to have two more children starting today? Not just one more child, but two. Not the Japanese, but yo

Speaking to the comments here: What would it take for you to have two more children starting today? Not just one more child, but two. Not the Japanese, but you. Not sometime, but today. I think that just limiting the horizon on this issue of childrearing is not as helpful. Thinking of the concerns of the 'other place' makes it less impactful. Thinking of just one child more is less impactful. Thinking of a future date where everything is perfect is less impactful. Making the problem bigger, immediate, and personal may give better insights. My personal answer is health, time, and then money. My family's health for two more children is not the best. Another pregnancy, starting today, would endanger us. Then it comes down to time. With the family we already have, we're already time strapped. A live-in-nurse would be hugely beneficial to us to have more kids. Basically, we'd need a 'wife' to get all the housework done. Then it would be money. College in the US in ~18 years is going to be very expensive. Kids are expensive. Daycare is another mortgage as is.

summertime42 4y ago
This is really the question to ask. I'm due in less than two weeks, and I'm doing the "one and done" route. Costs, house space, time, and frankly, pregnancy wrecked me emotionally and physically. It's incredibly difficult to have a high-paced career (which I love and thrive on, to be clear!) ...when you are throwing up in the toliet constantly. Yup, only one. One is enough.
- Balgair 4y ago
  Truth! It was 8 months of retching for our first. It's strange though, after they come, the feelings change. It was important for us to give ourselves the space and permission (?) to want others. Not saying in any way that they will for you. Please don't take this that way. Also, best of luck in delivery! It's very very tough, but it's amazing how nature takes over and makes you tougher. For us, it felt like the deepest of magics came in and just took over.
xboxnolifes 4y ago
Ignoring the fact that I'm single, I really don't even know what it would take. I don't have any internal motivation to have 1 child let alone two.
- Balgair 4y ago
  Thanks for the answer. To probe a bit deeper, if you are willing: When you say 'internal motivation' what do you mean? Can you explain more, again, if willing? What I'm trying to get at is, if the motivation is lacking due to, I dunno, climate change, then to have 2 more kids today you'd (hypothetically here) need to have significant evidence that climate change is reversing or some such thing. That's actionable data (if nearly insurmountable).
  - xboxnolifes 4y ago
    If I didn't want kids because of climate change, which is not a factor at all, I would call that an external factor, not internal. I would also call that a demotivator rather than a motivator. Instead, what I'm talking about it that I have no baseline intrinsic motivation to have kids. I don't wake up thinking "I need to find a partner to have kids". Having kids isn't a thought that comes to my mind ever. Without this baseline internal motivation, what possible external, familial or societal, changes could occur to motivate me to have children? I can't think of any.
Fire-Dragon-DoL 4y ago
In our case is age (my wife is past safe pregnancy age), flight costs (we have family in Italy and with 2 children our ticket is something like 4k CAD), children cost: 2 children education is already 420$/month + 800/month for childcare, with 4 children it would be 2000,without counting that we wouldn't be able to use car sharing anymore which saves us 1000/month. On top of that, my wife wouldn't be able to work for another 4 years, which means she will never have a high paying career. Support at home would probably be needed, since we have no family here. All in all, I suspect we would need a net additional ~6K net take home just to consider it, and we would still need to make some sacrifices. I also have to point out that we really liked our 2 children and would have loved to have more. That's still not accounting for the fact that we might need a bigger home, although still doable with our 3 bedroom.

summertime42 4y ago

This is really the question to ask. I'm due in less than two weeks, and I'm doing the "one and done" route. Costs, house space, time, and frankly, pregnancy wrecked me emotionally and physically. It's incredibly difficult to have a high-paced career (which I love and thrive on, to be clear!) ...when you are throwing up in the toliet constantly. Yup, only one. One is enough.

Balgair 4y ago
Truth! It was 8 months of retching for our first. It's strange though, after they come, the feelings change. It was important for us to give ourselves the space and permission (?) to want others. Not saying in any way that they will for you. Please don't take this that way. Also, best of luck in delivery! It's very very tough, but it's amazing how nature takes over and makes you tougher. For us, it felt like the deepest of magics came in and just took over.

xboxnolifes 4y ago

Ignoring the fact that I'm single, I really don't even know what it would take. I don't have any internal motivation to have 1 child let alone two.

Balgair 4y ago
Thanks for the answer. To probe a bit deeper, if you are willing: When you say 'internal motivation' what do you mean? Can you explain more, again, if willing? What I'm trying to get at is, if the motivation is lacking due to, I dunno, climate change, then to have 2 more kids today you'd (hypothetically here) need to have significant evidence that climate change is reversing or some such thing. That's actionable data (if nearly insurmountable).
- xboxnolifes 4y ago
  If I didn't want kids because of climate change, which is not a factor at all, I would call that an external factor, not internal. I would also call that a demotivator rather than a motivator. Instead, what I'm talking about it that I have no baseline intrinsic motivation to have kids. I don't wake up thinking "I need to find a partner to have kids". Having kids isn't a thought that comes to my mind ever. Without this baseline internal motivation, what possible external, familial or societal, changes could occur to motivate me to have children? I can't think of any.

Fire-Dragon-DoL 4y ago

In our case is age (my wife is past safe pregnancy age), flight costs (we have family in Italy and with 2 children our ticket is something like 4k CAD), children cost: 2 children education is already 420$/month + 800/month for childcare, with 4 children it would be 2000,without counting that we wouldn't be able to use car sharing anymore which saves us 1000/month. On top of that, my wife wouldn't be able to work for another 4 years, which means she will never have a high paying career. Support at home would probably be needed, since we have no family here. All in all, I suspect we would need a net additional ~6K net take home just to consider it, and we would still need to make some sacrifices. I also have to point out that we really liked our 2 children and would have loved to have more. That's still not accounting for the fact that we might need a bigger home, although still doable with our 3 bedroom.