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Since I've been married, I make no particular effort to maintain or establish friendships. The small social circle of my wife, her family, and my family is mor
by flax 4y ago
Since I've been married, I make no particular effort to maintain or establish friendships. The small social circle of my wife, her family, and my family is more than enough for me. And I have never been more satisfied with my social life, such as it is.
That's not to say there are no people I am on friendly terms with (coworkers, exes, ex-coworkers, people I knew 20+ years ago in college, etc).
From a utilitarian standpoint, it's important to have a few people you can reach out to to find work. And from a social standpoint, the times of my life where I had no social connections were difficult. But people have different needs, and my social needs are very modest. Do not feel bad because you don't have friends just because you think you're expected to.
As far as the title of the book, I believe eating alone is one of the great joys in life, especially when it's a respite from the forced social atmosphere of an open-plan office.
- fragmede 4y agoI know about the division of chores, having live with other people, but to put the very existence of a social life on someone else is just ridiculous. I am sure your wife knows you very well (certainly more than I, a random Internet stranger), but are there no people you are on friend terms with, simply due to shared special interest? Like a particular video game, or some craft? I firmly believe that in today's digital age, meeting people online who eventually become friends, and who share a particular interest is just part of the rich and varied tapestry we call life.
- flax 4y agoI do not rely on her for a social life. What I'm saying is that I have no need or desire for a social life beyond the incidental social interactions that come with being married, having a kid, having in-laws and parents that want to be grandparents to that kid, and also the interactions that come with having a job. No, I do not have anyone I'm on friendly terms with due to a shared interest. I do sometimes go to meetups to talk about things, but I do not care about those people, and I do not expect them to care about me. I do have some legacy friendships as I said before. These typically run multiple years between interactions, and that's how I like it. I recently met up with a college-era friend because I was in town. My kid enjoyed playing with her kids. Before that, we hadn't had significant contact in a few years.
- quickthrower2 4y agoI get you! Sounds like me. The busyness of family life makes me not need to regularly see friends: to the point I might see an old friend once a year. (Nomadic world we live in doesn’t help too) I might make more friends when kids grow up and time frees up though.